Remaining flight time: 58 minutes

9.21.13

Remaining flight time: 58 minutes               At 7:34 AM-current time/ 10:35 AM OH time

In the plane from Ohio to L.A. (connecting flight), sitting at the window I’m able to marvel at the amazing scenery!!! And I sit totally in awe of God. One moment the sun is rising in the horizon, and the ground is lit up with blues, and gray hues with a few light white clouds. In the horizon you can see a collection of purples, pinks, oranges, yellows, and reds. It almost looks like the ocean – but since I know we’re not going over any – I sit in wonder at the canvas I’m able to witness before me.

As the plane flies over Kansas, Colorado, Utah, and Arizona you can see how the earth is shaped; some spots are flat with looks like an inverted crayon, or like the only table without chairs in the room of sand. Next I can see the “make-up” of the Grand Canyon!! I see many valleys with meandering roads in the deepest parts. This is an eye opener here. As I look down and see all this beauty, and think, “This is what God sees when he sees us, His canvases that tells their own story.” Though we may be in the valley at different points in our life – God sees it all, at each given moment, like a person in a plane flying over the canyons. Just a very surreal moment for me.  Psalms 121:3-8

From LA to MX we took an Alaska Airlines plane. Right now the West Coast of Mexico is right outside of my window. With the white clouds against the blue ocean with the shores out lining the massive body of water it is truly breath taking as well. The clouds are a brilliant white, some are over the water and it looks like popcorn that’s fallen out of it’s bowl, but the clouds in the distance, that covers the lands looks like hand made mash potatoes. (No – I’m not hungry)

This flight is much like my last – being that there are 3 seats, but only two are occupied. The gentleman next to me has the name of Miguel, and he’s returning home. It’s funny he’s carrying on a conversation with the guy in front of him. I’m not ease dropping… I’m just trying to see if I can pick up on any of the Spanish. I can pick up numbers, time of day, “tambien” the 4 W’s and the “H,” but not much else. I think if they were speaking slower (by A LOT) I may have better luck?

Time flies when you're not paying attention

As I sit here now, I'm just waiting for my laundry to finish drying. What took place earlier though was an emotional three hours of sorting through, reading, reminiscing the stages of what not only myself, but my two sisters, and a family friend endured, coming up on now 15 years ago.

Not even a year after the accident, for the first time ever, I sorted through pictures, cards, letters, newspaper clippings, and made a scrapbook from what my mom, dad, various family members, friends, and the community saved during my time in the hospital. During this time that I put this book together, I don't recall ever being as impacted by what my sisters, our friend and myself have lived through until tonight.

I have been on this cleaning and organizing fit for the past week or two. Cleaning out the clutter from my room, and trying to make it more workable through these next two years of school. My room before all you could do is walk in and sit on my bed. If you tried to do anything else, you may trip over a shoe, book, binder, art things (i.e. paints, brushes, canvases, etc), or my big 6' easel. Tonight I took on my closet... Not the clothes, or the things on the floor (2 drawer file cabinet, or the two "connect-a-drawer" things on wheels, even the luggage and bed-in-a-bag in the opposite corner of it all), I'm talking about the two shelves on the top of it all.

Here I found all of my past portfolio submissions for "Teacher's pick," past art projects for various classes (some amazing and stopping me for a second to question if I really did that - and yes I did do them, and then some not so good pieces...), two and a half scrapbook boxes of NUMEROUS things from the accident in '98, a scrapbook that my mom had started for me back in 1992 (yes friends I at one point in time sported the much laughed about today.... mullet & there's proof in this book), to my numerous towels I have (this closet acts as my linen closet too), and my big box of purses (and old HP paper box that held like 10 reams of paper at one point in time).

Getting down the scrapbook boxes and going through them took me about three hours, and countless tears at the support of not only family and friends, but the out pour of love from the community, surrounding schools (and their administrators), to businesses, church groups, and organizations.

In going through a box I found numerous.... but on a much larger scale.... letters of "Get well" wishes, and "I'm praying for you" from my peers at school. Though I'd love to list them all, there is just way too many to do so. But there were a few that totally grabbed my heart and made me swell up with so much gratitude that I had to list them here:

 Fontaine, you a really sweet girl, who I know will make it through this! You're a very strong person, who always has a positive out look on life! Everyone here is pulling for you, your sisters, and your friend! You have a beautiful voice, we miss you in Choraliers! Stay Strong! And remember, God is with you! Never forget that!! God works in mysterious ways! But you'll pull through.
Love, Bobbie Malarkey
*Come back and keep me company in Choraliers*

and

Dear Fontaine, Sabrina, Markita, and Savannah;
The thing that happen in life happen for a reason, a reason which we may never know. There is good that comes from this situation. It proves that you can survive. While the battle is still being fought, a small victory is won.

To Mr. and Mrs. Selby,
Keep faith in your girls' strength. All any of us can do is hope and pray. I have known Fontaine since I was a freshman. In that time I have rarely seen her without a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. The question of "if your daughter will pull through" has already been answered. She will. She will and she will go on to dreams bigger than anything I ever could achieve.
Chris Lanham

To some really sweet cards, especially this one from my youngest brother:

A picture of a good friend, Stephanie, at the Ronald McDonald house. In the picture with her are my dad and Tim laying on the bed:

To a news paper article that quotes me saying;

Sometimes I feel like I am living a nightmare, and I am hoping that some will come and wake me up, but nobody ever does. So then I keep hoping my alarm clock will go off, but it never does. - Christmas Eve '98

And:

"One night, when I was really scared, scared I would never walk again, I felt the presence of the Lord. And he told me that I would walk again" 

It continues:

And she is. Fontaine has begun to take steps, albeit with a limp and needing help from others. Doctors believe she will again walk normally. She should be back in school by January, '99. 

In this article it talks about how my mom was trying to figure out how she was going to purchase a new pair of glasses for one of us girls (I have a hunch it was for Savannah) because they were smashed in the accident and mom had received a card in the mail simply signed "A friend in Christ" and contained a $100 bill.  The article goes on to quote my mom:

"When I feel like I can't take another step, someone does something like that. It really keeps you in the Christmas spirit. We have had to lean on faith. When everything was pointing against us, we had to have faith."

I miss my mom, but I'm so very grateful that I was able to have her as my mom for the 20 years of my life that she was on this Earth. I'm as well, grateful for all of my family and friends. Without any of you I would not be the person I am today! Thank you all for the encouragement and reminders that God is in control of it all, and the battle that we fought was already won yet we were still in the midst of fighting it!! You all were soldiers fighting along side with us girls and our family's!!!! Thank you!!!

@1:15 AM

My heart is aflutter.... My mind is set
His Plans have been written

Here I sit in my Spanish professor's home, house/puppy dog sitting while she and her fam is away on vaca. My mind should be at rest and my body sound asleep, because normally by now I'd be lost in dream world. I thought I be well on my way by now, at least I've felt that way since my foot has met the thresh hold of the house. And when I "went" to bed at 9:30 PM I was one food in the bed, and one still in my clothes from the day. 

But my guess, there are things running though my mind, and on my heart. So here I am, one could say "unloading." I would say that I'm writing my thoughts and prayers. 

Back in July 2006, I was hired as a graphic designer/cartographer (one that draws maps) for a company, Mass Marketing, in Fairfield, Ohio. My first job as a graphic design job since graduating from The School of Advertising Art in May of 2005. During my two years at this job, I grew SOOO much. Not just as a graphic designer, but as a Christian. 

In June 2007 I did my first mission trip out of the United States (not just out of the state) to Casa Bernabe Orphanage in Guatemala City, Guatemala, C.A. Since this was my first experience, and first sight of what it means to without - I honestly was out of my element and was just going through the motions, and the doing while I was here. I didn't make those lasting, heart to heart, connections with not only the children but with the culture of Guatemala. I worked hard at the many tasks that were being done on the grounds of the orphanage. I did play with the kids, and talk with the house parents, but what I think let get in my way of truly embracing the heart of the culture and the people; most of all the children, was myself.  

When I went again the following summer in 2008, I made sure that I wasn't about the "doing" and that I was more about the "being" and firmly, whole heartedly laying myself out to love on the children and take on more responsibility when caring for one of the homes (I believe they have 7-9 homes with different age groups on the campus) and children. I was "doing" but while I was in the mist of the "doing" I was as well "being"... Being available to love, to serve in what ever capacity needed, to open my heart and take my shield down from what ever fear held me back before. 

When I did this I believe I got the true meaning of what it means to serve. Reckless abandon comes to mind, meaning "without care or regard for consequences," as well as Crazy Love or "Overwhelmed by a Relentless God." And you could say that I've been "bitten" (no not in the vampire "Twilight" way), but in the way that my heart yearns to keep on serving those I can and where I am able too. To be honest with myself, with those that I serve and whom I love with all my heart; it would have happened if the company hadn't of sponsored part of my 2007 and 2008 trips, but as well, and I believe most importantly, if I hadn't have been let go by this company two days before I was to leave for my 2008 trip. I am almost positive that if I was still employed here I would have missed out on my true calling, and perfect opportunity to hear boldly from God what my real purpose is. I would have missed out of going back to college, having to start 100% over in my studies (no I'm not complaining), I would have missed out on making the professional connections not only with my professors, but with faulty of schools where I've had practicum work to do for different courses, having my current job at The Goddard School, even being where I am mentally and spiritually today. As well, I'm sure, many many many more reasons to list here but it's going on 2 AM so I'm afraid I can't list all now... :o/ 

No offense to Mass Marketing and the contact and the connections I've made there, but thank you for letting me go when you did. It allowed me to grow more than I could have seen then. Not only did I learn SO MUCH within the two days before I left, but it left me (this is good I promise) without a job when I returned home and on a "job hunt" again. Which solely lead me to work as an E.S.E.A. Highly Qualified Paraprofessional Substitute in not just one school district but in 4 different school districts. This ultimately is what helped me make up my mind to go back to school to obtain my licensure in Special Education. 

As it says in Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."  He knew my heart's inner most desire way before I even knew what my heart was saying. I guess that's why I changed my major 3 different times in one year to end up back with my first declared major, Special Education? 

My prayer for this up coming mission (in September) is that the Lord will may straight the path so that I may raise the funds to be apart of the team that is going down to Mazatlán, Mexico to work with the children with special needs of this home/orphanage and Back2Back Ministries, as well that I can apply for the 1-2 month internship next summer and pay for the funds for it as well. 

B2B: Mazatlán, Mexico: UPDATE

Here is an update for the Back2Back opportunity. But first a little bit of the things that I've been dealing with for over a week.

Those who know I have hardware in my body from a car accident that I was in 15 years ago this October. Well about a week and a have ago, may be a little longer, I started experiencing A LOT of pain in my upper left arm. So much pain that at 2 AM, Friday, July 5th it woke me up from a DEAD sleep. And it had me really concerned because earlier that week, Tuesday morning I woke up with so much chest pain... actually throughout my entire chest cavity. I ate 4 Tums within 30 minutes with no relief. Then I found some anti-gas gel caps and took them. I didn't get any relief for about an hour to an hour and a half later. I posted the fact that this woke me up on Facebook, and my aunt kinda sorta went off on me for the fact that my family has a bad history with heart troubles and I should have gone to the ER. I knew it was gas.... I digress.... So when I woke up Friday morning, I had NO chest pain, just my entire left arm KILLED me. I couldn't grip anything, lift anything, get dressed, do my hair, anything. In fact the entire week last week and the ending of the previous week my left arm had been bothering me. Just Friday morning at 2 AM.... Was the last of dealing with the pain. So I got up, I managed to take a bath, and get dressed for the day; know that an ER visit could take hours.

I left my house by 3 AM for McCullough-Hide Memorial Hospital in Oxford. When I get there I was literally the only one in the ER. So I was seen right away. They immediately ran an EKG on me (my guess is because I'm a 31 year old female who's left arm was hurting extremely bad), it came back normal. Then the doctor wanted about 8-9 pictures of my left arm's hardware (the rod and 9 screws that's in it). When the pictures came back the doctor said that it's just a tissue/muscle stress. Then I thought to myself, this isn't the only time it's hurt. I've had these pains before within the past year, just not nearly as bad as this morning. He ordered some anti-inflammatory pills, a shot of Toradol, put me on the muscle relaxer Flexeril, and put me on a no lifting restriction for Friday. For the entire weekend I took the muscle relaxer all weekend, so I was in pretty much sleep mode Saturday and Sunday.

When I went back to work Monday I was still in a lot of pain, and was unable to take the muscle relaxer because I was working with kids, and driving to and from work. So I was just taking Alive, that had little affect on the pain, but tolerable. Through this week the arm pain is still there, it still hurts to get dressed, wash my hands, lift anything over 10 lbs.

So my thoughts about it.... One of the screws moved (I think you can actually feel something right below the scar on my arm, but that's just me) and it's time to come out. I've called University Hospital NUMEROUS times this week, with only one call made to me and it wasn't a return call. It was the financial aid office calling me because they want to know if I have insurance... when they are the ones who put the hardware in... before they see me. I had to have my PCP send a referral over, or go to the ER (and I don't need another huge bill.... I can only imagine what the the one from Friday morning's visit will look like).

One of my student's has humbled me beyond what I could ever ask for. Her mom (my boss) sorta pulled me aside yesterday to tell me that her daughter had prayed for me that night. She said that her little girl had said, "Dear God, please make Ms Fontaine's arm feel better. It's hurting her really bad." I love her!!!! She's the sweetest!! And has been an REALLY big help in the room, especially when it comes to cleaning!!! I couldn't ask for a better student, and friend!! My heart feels so extremely blessed!!!

_________________________________________________

Okay, no on to the Mazatlán, Mexico trip. Well, my time to go is not going to be this month. I don't have the funds to go. But don't worry I called Chelsie today before I got to work to let her know, and we talked about the trip in September (21-27). I spoke with her about how flights were cheaper if I flew out on the morning of the 28th by a couple hundred dollars, she said that if it was possible for the staff down in the home to accommodate this time that it would maybe cost an extra $50's. I told her that's better than the couple hundred for the flight out the 27th.  

As well, we spoke about maybe meeting or connecting with the group that is heading down in September (21-27th) so we won't be total strangers when we actually get down there. She informed me that a man in her office is actually heading up the trip. She informed me that she will look into the questions and concerns that I has expressed to her in my conversation. 

I sent two emails out to my two listed professors for my fall courses asking them if it would be a problem if I missed the that week of classes. I'm planning on getting my TELLs (Teaching English Language Learners) Certification this semester, so I was kinda praying that she would be happy about this opportunity for me. Today when I got back to my SPN Prof's house (I'm house sitting and puppy dog sitting while her and her family are on summer vaca) I was happy to see that I got answers to my email's. 

From my TELLs professor:

"I would not have any problem with you working in Mexico for the week of September 21-27. In EDT 221, on Monday the 23rd we will be presenting individual and group projects: you will have to sign up for an individual project and you will present it the following week. In EDT 323 you will have to take a quiz and make up the activities that we will do in class, but that should not be a problem.

As far as I am concerned, it is a go, and I commend you (and envy you) for going helping in orphanage in Mexico. May be you can even work some of you project for 221 there?

Take care, and please let me know as soon as you know yourself whether you will be going during that week or not. In the meantime, do enjoy your summer :) and I am looking forward to meeting you this fall."

and from my MUS 185 professor:

"I apologize for taking a couple of days to reply to you.  We are on vacation with limited computer access ( and I am not yet "over summer by now!"). She quoted me because I told both prof's that I'm ready to get back to my classes/courses. 

Your request really hits home with me.  My daughter and her family are staff members for B2B in Monterrey.  Their best friends, Gabo and Kelly, are the directors in Mazatlan, so I know exactly who you would be working with !  Let me clarify your request - you would be gone from class just from September 21-27, correct ?  If so, I think we can work with that.  If it is more than that one week, it would be a problem.  

I love these God "coincidences," don't you?  Clarify how many classes you would miss and we will continue the discussion when I next get to a computer."

So what now? Work on getting my money together for the September trip!!! I'm going to start saving some of my biweekly pay, and reach out to family, friends, and business friends. 

I actually am doing a catalog show through MaryKay, I just have to remember to get the catalog's from the office at work (because my friend dropped them off the other day for me). She said that she would give me 25% of the sales if it's $500's or less, and 35% if it's more than $500's. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help!! If you love/like MaryKay or need refills please see me?  Every little bit will help!!!!

As well, I need all the prayer support you all can give me!!!! 

Much LOVE to you all!!!

Could of been? But then....

This is not a "I hate my life and wish I made different choices" kind of blog. But here lately I have been thinking about if I chose different paths in my past, where would I be today? Would I like who I was? Would I be sincerely happy with myself?

For example, if I did choose to go to the Art Institute of Chicago back in 2002 would I be living in the windy city? Would I be working in a large design firm?

Or lets go back a little further if I didn't go that route to school that morning in high school... would my life be different? Would I be different?

Things have been playing over and over and over in my head of what could have been.

But then again, if those things did actually take place... I wouldn't be who the person I am today. I wouldn't have the relationships that I have today. I wouldn't be the woman who've I become. I wouldn't have gone to the places that I've been too. I wouldn't have been as impacted, touched, and blessed as I am now.

I'm human though... I just wonder sometimes....

:oD