Time flies when you're not paying attention

As I sit here now, I'm just waiting for my laundry to finish drying. What took place earlier though was an emotional three hours of sorting through, reading, reminiscing the stages of what not only myself, but my two sisters, and a family friend endured, coming up on now 15 years ago.

Not even a year after the accident, for the first time ever, I sorted through pictures, cards, letters, newspaper clippings, and made a scrapbook from what my mom, dad, various family members, friends, and the community saved during my time in the hospital. During this time that I put this book together, I don't recall ever being as impacted by what my sisters, our friend and myself have lived through until tonight.

I have been on this cleaning and organizing fit for the past week or two. Cleaning out the clutter from my room, and trying to make it more workable through these next two years of school. My room before all you could do is walk in and sit on my bed. If you tried to do anything else, you may trip over a shoe, book, binder, art things (i.e. paints, brushes, canvases, etc), or my big 6' easel. Tonight I took on my closet... Not the clothes, or the things on the floor (2 drawer file cabinet, or the two "connect-a-drawer" things on wheels, even the luggage and bed-in-a-bag in the opposite corner of it all), I'm talking about the two shelves on the top of it all.

Here I found all of my past portfolio submissions for "Teacher's pick," past art projects for various classes (some amazing and stopping me for a second to question if I really did that - and yes I did do them, and then some not so good pieces...), two and a half scrapbook boxes of NUMEROUS things from the accident in '98, a scrapbook that my mom had started for me back in 1992 (yes friends I at one point in time sported the much laughed about today.... mullet & there's proof in this book), to my numerous towels I have (this closet acts as my linen closet too), and my big box of purses (and old HP paper box that held like 10 reams of paper at one point in time).

Getting down the scrapbook boxes and going through them took me about three hours, and countless tears at the support of not only family and friends, but the out pour of love from the community, surrounding schools (and their administrators), to businesses, church groups, and organizations.

In going through a box I found numerous.... but on a much larger scale.... letters of "Get well" wishes, and "I'm praying for you" from my peers at school. Though I'd love to list them all, there is just way too many to do so. But there were a few that totally grabbed my heart and made me swell up with so much gratitude that I had to list them here:

 Fontaine, you a really sweet girl, who I know will make it through this! You're a very strong person, who always has a positive out look on life! Everyone here is pulling for you, your sisters, and your friend! You have a beautiful voice, we miss you in Choraliers! Stay Strong! And remember, God is with you! Never forget that!! God works in mysterious ways! But you'll pull through.
Love, Bobbie Malarkey
*Come back and keep me company in Choraliers*

and

Dear Fontaine, Sabrina, Markita, and Savannah;
The thing that happen in life happen for a reason, a reason which we may never know. There is good that comes from this situation. It proves that you can survive. While the battle is still being fought, a small victory is won.

To Mr. and Mrs. Selby,
Keep faith in your girls' strength. All any of us can do is hope and pray. I have known Fontaine since I was a freshman. In that time I have rarely seen her without a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. The question of "if your daughter will pull through" has already been answered. She will. She will and she will go on to dreams bigger than anything I ever could achieve.
Chris Lanham

To some really sweet cards, especially this one from my youngest brother:

A picture of a good friend, Stephanie, at the Ronald McDonald house. In the picture with her are my dad and Tim laying on the bed:

To a news paper article that quotes me saying;

Sometimes I feel like I am living a nightmare, and I am hoping that some will come and wake me up, but nobody ever does. So then I keep hoping my alarm clock will go off, but it never does. - Christmas Eve '98

And:

"One night, when I was really scared, scared I would never walk again, I felt the presence of the Lord. And he told me that I would walk again" 

It continues:

And she is. Fontaine has begun to take steps, albeit with a limp and needing help from others. Doctors believe she will again walk normally. She should be back in school by January, '99. 

In this article it talks about how my mom was trying to figure out how she was going to purchase a new pair of glasses for one of us girls (I have a hunch it was for Savannah) because they were smashed in the accident and mom had received a card in the mail simply signed "A friend in Christ" and contained a $100 bill.  The article goes on to quote my mom:

"When I feel like I can't take another step, someone does something like that. It really keeps you in the Christmas spirit. We have had to lean on faith. When everything was pointing against us, we had to have faith."

I miss my mom, but I'm so very grateful that I was able to have her as my mom for the 20 years of my life that she was on this Earth. I'm as well, grateful for all of my family and friends. Without any of you I would not be the person I am today! Thank you all for the encouragement and reminders that God is in control of it all, and the battle that we fought was already won yet we were still in the midst of fighting it!! You all were soldiers fighting along side with us girls and our family's!!!! Thank you!!!

Running inside my brain

A lot.... Ok, no that is not even close, a good comparison is the Grand Canyon's divide worth is how much is on is running in and out of my mind. It has been going and going and going since last Friday. 

It all started Thursday with me getting a pink slip from my post lady, telling me that I had some certified mail waiting for me at the post office (since no one was here to sign for it). So I leave early for work Friday morning so I could go and get what was waiting for my John Hancock at the post office. Low and behold it was from my so called attorney. The package was an 81/2x11 manilla envelope that was about an inch thick. Walking back to my car I open it to read the top letter telling me that, "I withdraw and terminate the legal representation."  Basically, he fires me. Inside the envelope was the documents that I SUPPLIED TO HIM during the time he so called represented me. All he did was PUSH PAPER around to seem like he was doing something. He did not do a thing for me. No matter how much you say he "did," I really beg to differ.  

When I got back to my car I called a friend who I go to church with. I had found out the previous Sunday that he's an attorney. I felt bad because we have spoken numerous times, and I never asked once what he does for a living. I guess it didn't matter? I digress.... I called him and told him what I had just received. He then asked me some questions regarding the accident.... details that can be found here. Then we set it up to meet up in his office tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM to talk about the details further. 

I gotta be honest here.... I am not really looking forward to this. Reasons being that I've spoken to a few different lawyers about my case to see if they would take it on and they told me "No." 

This jack of spades had me do somethings that I'm regretting. I.e. Hire a guy (who is by all means nice and great) to reconstruct the accident... but he cost me about $1600's to hire. Then this "attorney" told me that there was at least a $500 filing fee to get my case into the court for a judge and jury to hear. Not to mention that to depose the man who reconstructed the accident was $150's and my chiropractor was about the same, to be paid by myself. HUH?! WHAT! I am STILL paying on that $1600's bill and he wanted me to do what? 

Ok I'm still going out on a tangent.... but back to my running in my brain. 

I'm worried... and I know that it says in Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 

I don't know what I am too do? Looking the bills and where they currently sit.... I owe about $5000's in medical bills, $900's to the accident re-constructionist (minus what I've already paid to him which is $700's), and I've paid my deductible to get my car fixed $250's, and then what my insurance paid out to get my car fixed $2557.31. 

Do I go ahead and hire my friend to represent me, and still pay him 30% when I've done all the leg work already.... I just need the representation now? I know I need to put it before the Lord, lay it at His feet and NOT pick it up. I need peace right now.... A LARGE amount because it doesn't stop just at this.... 

I'm posting two blogs tonight because the next one is about an entire different thing of worry... 

Oh the joy... Not really.... that's just sarcasm 

Rounds of 3

I have been literally hit with a TON of emotions in the last 2 weeks. And quite frankly I am tired of it!!!!! So here I am, sitting at Miami Middletown's cafe area, unloading these things that are weighing on my mind.

1- To start the chain reaction effect was my car accident on the 26th of August. Which has been a HUGE nightmare!!! But alas, things are starting to roll in my favor. I was not cited for the accident, because I did not cause the accident. The woman who was apparently tried to appeal the citation that was issued to her last Thursday, September 1, 2011 in Area 1 court (which is in Oxford). Deputy Maxwell was there to make sure to say that the accident was her fault 100%. Because the Ohio Law #4513.31 states that ALL loads have to be properly secured in the bed or trailer the vehicle is carrying, and if anything should fall off and cause an accident the driver/owner of what ever falls is 100% liable for any reactions to it falling off the bed or trailer. ~So that's about 75% done- thank God!!!~

2 - Next, I get to work Monday right after class feeling great! Ready to go to work. About a half hour to a hour after I had clocked in this weird thing started happening to my belly. I felt the urge to go pee then like 2-4 seconds after that feeling I felt this explosion go off in my bladder. Which made me wince in pain as well as double over. Needless to say after talking with my rocking manager Jessica Feliwok I left work and went straight to Urgent Care at Bridgewater Falls (on the other side of the parking lot) to sit, and sit, and sit, and sit some more for like 3 hours. My friend Amanda Harmon was there because she was ill too, but we talked and caught up. Not really a good way to reconnect with someone. Mean time my pain levels were CLIMBING!!!! When I left work at Chick-fil-a my pain level was more-less a 5-6 (pain scale 1 (little to no pain)- 10(full blown in pain-call 911)) , by time I got back to see the doctor my pain level was like a 15!!! He did a urine analysis, and yes there was blood in my urine (it still looked yellow to me?). When he came into the room to talk to me, I was sitting in the chair (in an odd postion), he said very compassionately that I had a Kidney Stone. I lost it!! I can't deal with one more thing on my plate!!! When he went to feel my side that I was babying and BARELY touched me I went through the roof!!! HURT!!!! LOTS AND LOTS OF UNIMAGINABLE PAIN!!!! He gave me a shot of 60 mg Toradol in my right hip and wrote me script for 10 mg for the pain. Dad had to come and get me b/c I was in no shape to drive.

When dad picked me up he seemed really bothered by me asking him to come and get me from Urgent Care as well as stopping off at the pharmacy to get my pain med's filled. So when I got home I pretty much "owned" the bathroom b/c I had to pee!! But I couldn't go!!!! After the pain level grew to a 20-25.... pushing a 30 I gave up and was looking for someone to take me to the ER. I wasn't about to ask my dad or my brother because of the reactions I got from picking me up at Urgent Care, and they were also working on Tim's car. I had called everyone.... texted people too.... Finally my sister Savannah came to get me and she took me to McCullough-Hyde Memorial Hospital. LOVE HER!!!! When we got there, I only had to wait like 5 minutes!!! So THANKFUL!!!! We get to the room and the nurse who did my triage was my nurse in the back (in the ER still). She was great as well, though I don't remember her name? They first get a CT scan of my belly to see what they were actually dealing with. Then came the good stuff!!! I was IVed up to some Saline Solution as well I got my first dose of Diloted. I've had this before, it's great!!! However- when I got it, or should I say after I got it, I was still in pain. So they gave me another dose of it plus another 20 mg of Toradol. I was feeling good by then!!! Got the results of my CT scan, I had a 2 mm kidney stone and 2 and something else was enlarged from that kidney stone being there. I push my button again to ask for another thing shot of pain med's b/c my pain levels were like riding a roller coaster... going up and down, up and down... By then I had gone pee A LOT but still had the stupid stone in my belly (obviously if I was still hurting). But by then I wanted to go home, and my sister had left me at about midnight b/c she had to be back there at 4 AM (she works at this hospital) so I had to call my brother to come and get me. So they write me two scripts one for pain and the other to help break up this stone.

I got home at about 1:30ish AM. Went pee and to bed. At about 5 AM I felt A LOT of pain in my lower belly and a sudden urge to pee. When I was done using the bathroom, I noticed that I wasn't in ANY pain any longer!!!! I had passed that darn kidney stone!!! And went back to bed.

3 - I had gotten up Tuesday morning at about 10 AM, still a little dazed from all the medication my body just received from being in the hospital all night to find out that a good friend had passed away. Staci Spaulding and I worked at (then) Paramount's Kings Island for 2 years together. But most importantly we were friends in high school and had graduated together. She had suffered from brain aneurysm around 3 AM that morning, and had passed away from it. She was 29 years old.

I'm still in total shock and it has been 3 days since I found out. I understand the emotions that I'm feeling, a little too, well. But I still can make any sense from it?

Staci was a lively woman!!! Always optimistic and a go getter!!! She always had a smile on her face and ready to go help someone when needed. She was one of the many people who were there for me during the time of my car accident back in 1998, our Junior year of high school. She help push me to get better and keep reaching for new strengths (or rather old ones that I lost in the accident). She also, helped me get to and from work at Kings Island for the next summer by driving because I wasn't allowed to get behind the wheel just yet (per mom's rules). I have a lot of other memories with her as well that I just don't have the time right now b/c my next class is starting soon.

Getting back to the emotions, as I sit here and read the thoughts, prayers, and warmest of memories on the wall of I find myself breaking down a little more with each thing that I read. Especially her mom's thoughts of love and a sense of proudness in her daughter, her loving words with her sympathies and sorrows just totally grasps my heart and makes me want to go over to her house and just grab her and hug her so hard!!! But then I remember when my mom died how I couldn't stand it for anyone to touch me. I knew that people cared and wanted to show it, but I just wanted to be left alone. I can only imagine what Traci is feeling. As I am sure she too at some point just wants to be left alone.

Staci's viewing is tomorrow night from 5-8, and her funeral is the following morning at 11. I am able to go to the viewing, but not the funeral. My friend Emily is getting married in New Concord, OH and it's a 3 hour drive, so I have to leave by 11 AM to make it to the wedding. As well, I myself don't do very well at viewings and most of all funerals. I know I'm going to be a mess tomorrow night, but I have no clue how I'm going to react at being in a funeral home once again. I usually just go in pay my condolences and leave. But I can't do that to my friend. I have so much more respect for her than that.

God give all in attendance to Staci's viewing and funeral the strength to bid a dew to a wonderful woman. Let your love permeate throughout the funeral home and into the lives of those who lost just a wonderful daughter, sister, grand-daughter, niece, and friend. Father, we know that you have called Staci home to be with you, but was also know that we will see her again when you return for us. Lord I know you are with us during this time. Please let your grace and peace flow down on to us now.
Amen

As I was typing that little prayer the song, Amazing Grace came over head on the speakers here at Miami Middletown. God I know you are here with us, never leave us. Please!!!