Running inside my brain x2 - Dedication worries voiced

For those who have been following my blogs about my painting know that it is finished now. It's 100% finished.... it's now framed and ready to be hung on my church's wall! I'm so excited about this as well!!

Well, they are having a night of dedication or a sort of unveiling for it. I haven't made a facebook invite because I want this to be kept small and very intimate night of giving thanks to Abba for what he has done in our life. I've only printed a handful of invitations that went to dear family & friends, some pastors who've had a positive impact on my Christian walk, and some of my art mentors who have had a hand in helping me become more creative. As well, the invitation is open to my church members.

It will consist of worship lead by my friend Jim, his acoustic guitar (3 or 4 songs broken down), and myself. Prayer is totally going to happen, and I'm going to be talking a little bit about the illustration itself. Where I was (emotionally) when I started it, what happened before I started, and how God had his hand in every stroke I did while I was painting. I'm going to speak about how I've grown more in love with his love and his gifts that He so freely gives to us. I'm going to talk about the next piece that I am going to get started on. This will probably started at the beginning of summer.... I'm waiting on God for the specifics of when I should move.

So what's the worry? Well, I have passed/mailed all but a few invitations out and only one person has responded telling me that they will be there. On the other hand I have had a bunch of other people tell me flat out that they won't be there. And more or less should have consulted them when I was thinking about the date and time. 

This isn't about who I can get there, or want to be shown support or anything. It's about God first and foremost. I wanted to share what has been coming together over the past year, as well as fellowship. Some of the people who I have invited I haven't seen in a very long time, and I will admit, it will be nice to see them again. Everyone that I have invited has had an impact on me in some way shape and form, as well good, bad, and indifferent. 

I have to be honest. I seriously expecting few to show.... because it seems that happens whenever I "try" to plan something those that I invite tend to not show, no matter what the invitation. It would feel nice to have that affirmation from people I consider to be close to me. PLEASE do not think that this is a sort of pity party... I've been fighting off these things for quite sometime now... and I can't contain them any longer. 

I know that who shows to this dedication is suppose to be there.... I just need to let go and let God. I'm worried about it... stressed about it... and wondering what's going to happen at it. I guess you can say that I'm trying to control it, and that's not good.  

Running inside my brain

A lot.... Ok, no that is not even close, a good comparison is the Grand Canyon's divide worth is how much is on is running in and out of my mind. It has been going and going and going since last Friday. 

It all started Thursday with me getting a pink slip from my post lady, telling me that I had some certified mail waiting for me at the post office (since no one was here to sign for it). So I leave early for work Friday morning so I could go and get what was waiting for my John Hancock at the post office. Low and behold it was from my so called attorney. The package was an 81/2x11 manilla envelope that was about an inch thick. Walking back to my car I open it to read the top letter telling me that, "I withdraw and terminate the legal representation."  Basically, he fires me. Inside the envelope was the documents that I SUPPLIED TO HIM during the time he so called represented me. All he did was PUSH PAPER around to seem like he was doing something. He did not do a thing for me. No matter how much you say he "did," I really beg to differ.  

When I got back to my car I called a friend who I go to church with. I had found out the previous Sunday that he's an attorney. I felt bad because we have spoken numerous times, and I never asked once what he does for a living. I guess it didn't matter? I digress.... I called him and told him what I had just received. He then asked me some questions regarding the accident.... details that can be found here. Then we set it up to meet up in his office tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM to talk about the details further. 

I gotta be honest here.... I am not really looking forward to this. Reasons being that I've spoken to a few different lawyers about my case to see if they would take it on and they told me "No." 

This jack of spades had me do somethings that I'm regretting. I.e. Hire a guy (who is by all means nice and great) to reconstruct the accident... but he cost me about $1600's to hire. Then this "attorney" told me that there was at least a $500 filing fee to get my case into the court for a judge and jury to hear. Not to mention that to depose the man who reconstructed the accident was $150's and my chiropractor was about the same, to be paid by myself. HUH?! WHAT! I am STILL paying on that $1600's bill and he wanted me to do what? 

Ok I'm still going out on a tangent.... but back to my running in my brain. 

I'm worried... and I know that it says in Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 

I don't know what I am too do? Looking the bills and where they currently sit.... I owe about $5000's in medical bills, $900's to the accident re-constructionist (minus what I've already paid to him which is $700's), and I've paid my deductible to get my car fixed $250's, and then what my insurance paid out to get my car fixed $2557.31. 

Do I go ahead and hire my friend to represent me, and still pay him 30% when I've done all the leg work already.... I just need the representation now? I know I need to put it before the Lord, lay it at His feet and NOT pick it up. I need peace right now.... A LARGE amount because it doesn't stop just at this.... 

I'm posting two blogs tonight because the next one is about an entire different thing of worry... 

Oh the joy... Not really.... that's just sarcasm