New Year = New Beginnings.... maybe?

As 2011 comes to a close over this next week I will be praying about what my Heavenly Father has in store for me over the next year. I know there will be changes (some good, and maybe some not so good) in my life. New roads for me to go down, through, and to choose from.

I have recently made a semi-big business decision the Saturday after my birthday. Actually I've been praying about it for months now. But when I got home from the Good Sam Run Saturday December 17th it was as if God specifically told me what I already knew I had to do. Though my heart was heavy, and my reluctancy was totally kicking in, I wrote my "Up line" a letter telling them how wonderful they are. At times in writing this letter I got up and paced the floor, walked away from my room, and CRIED the entire tim I wrote this to them. I will not be selling Premier Designs Jewelry until further notice.

I have a lot on my plate as it is, and with having 10+ shows on my calendar since August... and ALL 10 have canceled on me with no re-bookings and my classes are getting a little harder and with that I need more time to study. There is family reasons too but I'm not posting those on here.

Being apart of Premier has allowed me, and helped me grow SOOO MUCH!! I can't even imagine not being apart of it any longer. My heart breaks more if I sit and think about it. The relationships, friendships, and love that has been birthed and grown because of Premier I pray continue on going even though I won't be an independent distributor. I know Premier will be there when I am ready to become apart of the company again. I just pray that the friendships continue.

I'm putting all of my worry, all of my stress, and all of my hopes into the Father's hands. My life is His!! He knows me better than I know myself.

Enlightened but so disheartening....

I have been at extremely hard work with my education since I graduated from Edgewood in 2000. I was given the opportunity to surrender my diploma back to my high school and continue on with my studies at Butler Tech in their Commercial Art program, tuition free. I graduated from there in 2002 with a certificate in Graphic Design. Wanting to pursue that career even further, I submitted my art portfolio to the "Art Forum Inc.", to attend there and obtain my Associate degree.

I started at the "Art Forum Inc." in the fall of 2003. This was by far the hardest endeavor that I have experienced. Not only did I have issues with my course work, but also my living situation was not the best. My first two roommates were nightmares. Every night I would come home to a “trial” of life, with them both questioning everything I am and what/who I believed in. These two 18 year olds thought they knew everything there was to living on their own. Me, 21 almost 22, had lived on my own for 2 to 3 years already. So, just imagine what these nights looked like when they badgered me. But that is not the reason for my paper, so I digress.

I graduated form the "Art Forum Inc." with my Associate’s in Graphic Design. I was not your “A+” student, however I was your average B-C student. When I was first looking at attending this school they specifically told me, “they help their graduated students find employment with in the graphic design field.” This was not true by any stretch of the imagination. I spent years applying, searching, and interviewing for jobs. No potential job leads were ever given to me, but rather a weekly email with links listed as to what was made available to the school’s secretary. I got these emailed to me via a search engine that both he and I were registered with. This was no help. The school has leads for their favorite students; I was not one of them. I know this now for a fact.

I had a hint back when I was a student there that they showed biasness, rather a specific person did, towards certain students. Last night I ran into an acquaintance that I had befriended while I attended this school. She and I spoke about how some of the things were done while I attended there. She told me how the president, Mr. Brock, “asked” the teachers if they would have a problem lowering a grade on a student’s art work so that the student would fail out. She told me how Mr. Brock and his son in-law, who also works in this "school," would sit and calculate a student’s grades so that Mr. Brock could kick them out.

Proving my point was when I had Mr. Brock for a drawing class on developing a book cover. I went to talk with him everyday about the class assignment to make sure that I did exactly what he wanted. Each time we would sit and talk he changed his mind on what he wanted me to do. Finally, fed up and really confused on what was being asked of me I brought a tape recorder with me to talk with him. He refused to talk to me when I had the recorder. He failed me, telling me that I did not do what he asked of me. This same marker rendering I took with me to the next level class. I ended up painting a picture for the main picture for the cover of this book. I scanned it into the computer and did this:



The instructor I had for this part of the project gave me a B on my work.

Finding out this information that this college was based on popularity makes me question myself as an artist, question my abilities in creating anything that should be or can be aesthetically pleasing to a person’s eye. I have been wondering about what others would think if they knew that the first college that I attended was a complete joke? Would they think that I am a joke, or a “wanna” be? I have a piece a paper hanging on my bedroom wall that cost me more than $50,000’s, I am now wanting to burn and I have a so-called portfolio that I thought I could stand on but now I feel as if it is just refrigerator art for mom to hang and throw away when it gets gross. Now, I question everything. The things that I am tremendously passionate about I now find myself questioning if I am even good at it.

I am sure that this is a grieving period that I am going to have to go through. But it is very sad that everything I have done, and claim to profess about my work I now question.

Mental Noting in My Brain

Okay so Thanksgiving is coming in like.... TWO days!!!!

18.31 lb Turkey - Bought
Fixings for: Cheese cake and Green Bean Casserole - Bought

Making tomorrow the cheese cakes and casserole and Mr Turkey Thursday morning (he's going in the oven)

Homework to complete over break:

EDT 256e - prepare for my group's "Teach the class" on Autism (11/28)
Write 3-5 pg paper from my field work (due 11/28)

EDT 182 - Research on Jupiter for group project
Moon observation(s) sheet

MTH 115 - STUDY FOR TEST ON THURSDAY DECEMBER 1ST
Homework in book and finish lab

ENG 112 - Painting for Project 5 (Final)
Write Journal #6 and Journal #10

I need to remember.... One thing at a time!!!!

I'm hoping to get started on my EDT paper while Mr. Turkey is cooking since I'll be up. I know one thing, that paper will be a little hard to write b/c of the dialects and cultural differences that will play into the child that I'm writing about's over all demeanor. Then again, I've dealt with worse... since my parents' were special needs foster parents for children and I have worked in school districts with kids with similar problems.

My ENG illustration is already started.... I just need to crank it out for this class. I will have to put the illustration that is on my easel on my bed while I'm working on this. Thank God the paint that is done on it is dry. It shouldn't take me long to finish (or so I pray).

MTH and EDT.... more/so busy work that can be worked on through daily, reviewing, researching, working on/through....

Finals in about 3 weeks....joy.....

FREAKING OUT!!! 1 month from today

Okay so it's officially not official as of yet but will be officially official in ONE MONTH from today. I join the group of 30 yr old age decade. Today I realized that I think that I'm freaking out because I've always envisioned myself being so much further along in my life {i.e. married, stable career, maybe had one child, in a house of my own with a garage for my car} but none of that has even started to happen, at least not that I can see as of yet.

I expressed some of my concerns with some of my amazing friends this morning at the Good Sam Run and my friend Mike suggested that I write my "birthday" list.... Now I have to admit that I haven't written this kind of list in a very long time.... I think the last time that I did I still believed in Santa.

I think one of the things that I really want is to be surrounded by the friends who I love. But I've tried to coordinate something like that before (like twice) and I don't want to have to "coordinate" something for myself. It just seems... um... too... forced or inwardly focused. That is not me (though some of the negative people that are unfortunately in my life may think differently). I'm just thinking and feeling like I am asking too much?

Some physical things that I could really use....

Since I've lost like 15 lbs.... okay "X" that... More like 30 pounds and literally NONE of my pants fit... so I would say gift certificates to get new pairs of jeans, dress pants, and kakis
My Cd/MP3 player in my car has been broken for over a year now (the one that came in the car... the factory one) I'd like a new one with an AUX port and a USB plug
I would like to get some new canvas(es)-blank because I'm almost finished with the BIG illustration that I've been working on for almost a year. I'm not sure what size(s) just yet though? I'm not to that point yet. But bigger than the 11x16 sizes.

More than anything I just don't want to spend this hypothetical "BIG" birthday alone. I hope I'm not asking too much?

Woke up this morning feeling a little low...

For some reason I've been thinking a lot about a conversation that I had with someone last Saturday. To be totally honest... it's made me want to cry since we've had it. I'm talking a "not" good cry.

I've been praying for my future husband now for a while. Not that I am complaining about God's timing, because I know that he's still working things out for him and I to be together. We're not ready yet for one another. This is not the reason for my post.

In this conversation, this person said that when they are thinking about dating someone that they look at the person of interest's background. As in what their parents do, if the parent's have a relationship with Jesus Christ (or not), how their siblings play a role in their life (if they had any), the parent's role at introducing Christ to this person of interest as well as the parent's involvement in the church; THEN does this person look at the person of interest's relationship with Jesus Christ, church activity, life styles, education and blah blah blah. This person lost me at the fact that they look at the parent's first to even consider the possibility of dating someone that I vaguely remember the rest of the conversation.

This really HURT!!! Obviously since I'm blogging about it now.... 5 days later.

I know my life is so FARRRRRR from perfect that if I even tried to match up to this person's standards I'd be so far buried in the mud, that I would be magma that is within the earth's core. Not that this person was of ANY interest to myself.

It just makes me wonder sometimes what "guys" actually see when they look at me and ONLY me (not my family)? My family has been shattered since the passing of my mom, and it only seems to be getting worse. From this conversation I had with this person, I am NOT encouraged but as well I am NOT enlightened on the dating aspect with anybody. I hope I don't seem to be "shattered" as well. I know who my sovereign King is. He is my one true God. He is etched within my very heart and is my one true identity.

I know and understand that we all have "standards," but seriously.... this is this person's?

I'm going to repost qualities that I have for the man of my dreams from my blog post on June 10, 2011. As well this is the scripture that I am continually praying over him and for our future so that we are blessings to each other:

Romans 1:8-12

I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you, because your faith is proclaimed in all the world. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I mention you always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God's will I may now at last succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.

The Dream Man of Mine:
First and foremost he's got to know the Lord as his Savior & not just "know of the Lord." They need to walk together daily.
I want him to love me for being me, imperfections and all
He's got to be a man of character
Has dignity
Has his own personality
Is educated
Loves music- BOUNS if he can sing and play an instrument (guitar or piano)
Likes to cook- so we can cook together
Is older than me
Taller than me
Doesn't drink to get drunk but is a social drinker
Does NOT smoke (anything)
Has big hands- i.e. to hold me firmly but softly and to make me feel safe
Loves to read, camp, explore, drive
He loves to travel
Lives and outwardly focused life
Loves to volunteer in the community
Willing to pray with me and for others
Has goals in his life and things he would like to achieve with his wife.... me
Wants kids either biologically or adopted
Will challenge me daily to be a better person, woman, and Christian
A man who will lead me
A man who dresses nice but who can rock out wearing a T-shirt, plaid shorts and sandals
A man who will want to rip my clothes off of me every time he sees me, but respects me enough to keep that for our private times
A man who is close to his family, but knows when to be his own person without them
Who loves coffee
Who's a hopeless romantic
A man who inspires me
Loves to laugh and joke around
Wants to go on mission trips together
A man who can handle my overly dramatic family
Who dreams about me
Who prays for me even though we haven't met yet
Who takes challenges head on and doesn't run from them
Who is supportive of my dreams and goals
Who will make me breakfast in bed and spend the whole day laying around with me when I am sick
Someone who is willing to be late to work just to make me smile before he leaves
Someone who is willing to take a scenic route home just to see the sights and to spend more time with me
Who holds my face while he kisses me
Who sees me in his future

Rounds of 3

I have been literally hit with a TON of emotions in the last 2 weeks. And quite frankly I am tired of it!!!!! So here I am, sitting at Miami Middletown's cafe area, unloading these things that are weighing on my mind.

1- To start the chain reaction effect was my car accident on the 26th of August. Which has been a HUGE nightmare!!! But alas, things are starting to roll in my favor. I was not cited for the accident, because I did not cause the accident. The woman who was apparently tried to appeal the citation that was issued to her last Thursday, September 1, 2011 in Area 1 court (which is in Oxford). Deputy Maxwell was there to make sure to say that the accident was her fault 100%. Because the Ohio Law #4513.31 states that ALL loads have to be properly secured in the bed or trailer the vehicle is carrying, and if anything should fall off and cause an accident the driver/owner of what ever falls is 100% liable for any reactions to it falling off the bed or trailer. ~So that's about 75% done- thank God!!!~

2 - Next, I get to work Monday right after class feeling great! Ready to go to work. About a half hour to a hour after I had clocked in this weird thing started happening to my belly. I felt the urge to go pee then like 2-4 seconds after that feeling I felt this explosion go off in my bladder. Which made me wince in pain as well as double over. Needless to say after talking with my rocking manager Jessica Feliwok I left work and went straight to Urgent Care at Bridgewater Falls (on the other side of the parking lot) to sit, and sit, and sit, and sit some more for like 3 hours. My friend Amanda Harmon was there because she was ill too, but we talked and caught up. Not really a good way to reconnect with someone. Mean time my pain levels were CLIMBING!!!! When I left work at Chick-fil-a my pain level was more-less a 5-6 (pain scale 1 (little to no pain)- 10(full blown in pain-call 911)) , by time I got back to see the doctor my pain level was like a 15!!! He did a urine analysis, and yes there was blood in my urine (it still looked yellow to me?). When he came into the room to talk to me, I was sitting in the chair (in an odd postion), he said very compassionately that I had a Kidney Stone. I lost it!! I can't deal with one more thing on my plate!!! When he went to feel my side that I was babying and BARELY touched me I went through the roof!!! HURT!!!! LOTS AND LOTS OF UNIMAGINABLE PAIN!!!! He gave me a shot of 60 mg Toradol in my right hip and wrote me script for 10 mg for the pain. Dad had to come and get me b/c I was in no shape to drive.

When dad picked me up he seemed really bothered by me asking him to come and get me from Urgent Care as well as stopping off at the pharmacy to get my pain med's filled. So when I got home I pretty much "owned" the bathroom b/c I had to pee!! But I couldn't go!!!! After the pain level grew to a 20-25.... pushing a 30 I gave up and was looking for someone to take me to the ER. I wasn't about to ask my dad or my brother because of the reactions I got from picking me up at Urgent Care, and they were also working on Tim's car. I had called everyone.... texted people too.... Finally my sister Savannah came to get me and she took me to McCullough-Hyde Memorial Hospital. LOVE HER!!!! When we got there, I only had to wait like 5 minutes!!! So THANKFUL!!!! We get to the room and the nurse who did my triage was my nurse in the back (in the ER still). She was great as well, though I don't remember her name? They first get a CT scan of my belly to see what they were actually dealing with. Then came the good stuff!!! I was IVed up to some Saline Solution as well I got my first dose of Diloted. I've had this before, it's great!!! However- when I got it, or should I say after I got it, I was still in pain. So they gave me another dose of it plus another 20 mg of Toradol. I was feeling good by then!!! Got the results of my CT scan, I had a 2 mm kidney stone and 2 and something else was enlarged from that kidney stone being there. I push my button again to ask for another thing shot of pain med's b/c my pain levels were like riding a roller coaster... going up and down, up and down... By then I had gone pee A LOT but still had the stupid stone in my belly (obviously if I was still hurting). But by then I wanted to go home, and my sister had left me at about midnight b/c she had to be back there at 4 AM (she works at this hospital) so I had to call my brother to come and get me. So they write me two scripts one for pain and the other to help break up this stone.

I got home at about 1:30ish AM. Went pee and to bed. At about 5 AM I felt A LOT of pain in my lower belly and a sudden urge to pee. When I was done using the bathroom, I noticed that I wasn't in ANY pain any longer!!!! I had passed that darn kidney stone!!! And went back to bed.

3 - I had gotten up Tuesday morning at about 10 AM, still a little dazed from all the medication my body just received from being in the hospital all night to find out that a good friend had passed away. Staci Spaulding and I worked at (then) Paramount's Kings Island for 2 years together. But most importantly we were friends in high school and had graduated together. She had suffered from brain aneurysm around 3 AM that morning, and had passed away from it. She was 29 years old.

I'm still in total shock and it has been 3 days since I found out. I understand the emotions that I'm feeling, a little too, well. But I still can make any sense from it?

Staci was a lively woman!!! Always optimistic and a go getter!!! She always had a smile on her face and ready to go help someone when needed. She was one of the many people who were there for me during the time of my car accident back in 1998, our Junior year of high school. She help push me to get better and keep reaching for new strengths (or rather old ones that I lost in the accident). She also, helped me get to and from work at Kings Island for the next summer by driving because I wasn't allowed to get behind the wheel just yet (per mom's rules). I have a lot of other memories with her as well that I just don't have the time right now b/c my next class is starting soon.

Getting back to the emotions, as I sit here and read the thoughts, prayers, and warmest of memories on the wall of I find myself breaking down a little more with each thing that I read. Especially her mom's thoughts of love and a sense of proudness in her daughter, her loving words with her sympathies and sorrows just totally grasps my heart and makes me want to go over to her house and just grab her and hug her so hard!!! But then I remember when my mom died how I couldn't stand it for anyone to touch me. I knew that people cared and wanted to show it, but I just wanted to be left alone. I can only imagine what Traci is feeling. As I am sure she too at some point just wants to be left alone.

Staci's viewing is tomorrow night from 5-8, and her funeral is the following morning at 11. I am able to go to the viewing, but not the funeral. My friend Emily is getting married in New Concord, OH and it's a 3 hour drive, so I have to leave by 11 AM to make it to the wedding. As well, I myself don't do very well at viewings and most of all funerals. I know I'm going to be a mess tomorrow night, but I have no clue how I'm going to react at being in a funeral home once again. I usually just go in pay my condolences and leave. But I can't do that to my friend. I have so much more respect for her than that.

God give all in attendance to Staci's viewing and funeral the strength to bid a dew to a wonderful woman. Let your love permeate throughout the funeral home and into the lives of those who lost just a wonderful daughter, sister, grand-daughter, niece, and friend. Father, we know that you have called Staci home to be with you, but was also know that we will see her again when you return for us. Lord I know you are with us during this time. Please let your grace and peace flow down on to us now.
Amen

As I was typing that little prayer the song, Amazing Grace came over head on the speakers here at Miami Middletown. God I know you are here with us, never leave us. Please!!!

Prayer for my future husband

I thank God through Jesus for you. That's first. People everywhere keep telling me about your life of faith, and every time I hear them, I thank him. And God, whom I so love to worship and serve by spreading the good news of his Son, knows that every time I think of you in my prayers, which is practically all the time, I ask him to clear the way for me to come and see you. The longer this waiting goes on, the deeper the ache. I so want to be there to deliver God's gift in person and watch you grow stronger right before my eyes! But don't think I'm not expecting to get something out of this, too! You have as much to give me as I do to you. Romans 1:8-12 The Message

Another Translation:

How I thank God through Jesus Christ for you. God knows how often I pray for you. Day and night I bring you and your needs in pray to God, whom I serve with all of my heart… One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you. For I long to visit you so I can share a spiritual blessing with you that will help you grown strong in the Lord. I am eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us will be a blessing to the other. Romans 1:8-12 Life Application NLT

A Letter from CEO of Starbucks

September 2011

Dear Starbucks Friend and Fellow Citizen:

I love our country. And I am a beneficiary of the promise of America. But today, I am very concerned that at times I do not recognize the America that I love.

Like so many of you, I am deeply disappointed by the pervasive failure of leadership in Washington. And also like you, I am frustrated by our political leaders' steadfast refusal to recognize that, for every day they perpetuate partisan conflict and put ideology over country, America and Americans suffer from the combined effects of paralysis and uncertainty. Americans can't find jobs. Small businesses can't get credit. And the fracturing of consumer confidence continues.

We are better than this.

Three weeks ago, I asked fellow business leaders to join me in urging the President and the Congress to put an end to partisan gridlock and, in its place, to set in motion an upward spiral of confidence. More than 100 business leaders representing American companies - large and small - joined me in signing a two-part pledge:

First, to withhold political campaign contributions until a transparent, comprehensive, bipartisan debt-and-deficit package is reached that honestly, and fairly, sets America on a path to long-term financial health and security. Second, to do all we can to break the cycle of economic uncertainty that grips our country by committing to accelerate investment in jobs and hiring.

In the weeks since then, I have been overwhelmed by the heartfelt stories of Americans from across the country, sharing their anguish over losing hope in the strongest and most galvanizing force of all - the American Dream. Some feel they have no voice. Others feel they no longer matter. And many feel they have been left behind.

We cannot let this stand.

Please join other concerned Americans and me on a national call-in conversation on Tuesday September 6th hosted by "No Labels," a nonpartisan organization dedicated to fostering cooperative and more effective government. To learn more about the forum and the pledges, visit www.upwardspiral2011.org

America is at a fragile and critical moment in its history. We must restore hope in the American Dream. We must celebrate all that America stands for around the world. And while our Founding Fathers recognized the constructive value of political debate, we must send the message to today's elected officials in a civil, respectful voice they hear and understand, that the time to put citizenship ahead of partisanship is now.

Yours is the voice that can help ignite the contagious upward spiral of confidence that our country desperately needs.

With great respect,

Howard Schultz

chief executive officer, Starbucks Coffee Company

I hope and pray that this helps my case.....

Ohio: State Highway Patrol, Columbus, OH. 614-466-4056.

§4513.31 All loads to be properly secured.

No vehicle shall be driven or moved on any highway unless the vehicle is so constructed, loaded, or covered as to prevent any of its load from dropping, sifting, leaking or otherwise escaping therefrom, except that sand or other substances may be dropped for the purpose of securing traction, or water or other substance may be sprinkled on a roadway in cleaning or maintaining the roadway.

Except for a farm vehicle used to transport agricultural produce or agricultural production materials or a rubbish vehicle in the process of acquiring its load, no vehicle loaded with garbage, swill, cans, bottles, waste paper, ashes, refuse, trash, rubbish, waste, wire, paper, cartons, boxes, glass, solid waste or any other material of an unsanitary nature that is susceptible to blowing or bouncing from a moving vehicle shall be driven or moved on any highway unless the load is covered with a sufficient cover to prevent the load or any part of the load from spilling onto the highway.

Whoever violates this section shall be punished as provided in section 4513.99 of the Revised Code.

§ 4513.99. Penalties.
(A) Any violation of section 4513.03, 4513.04, 4513.05, 4513.06, 4513.07, 4513.071, 4513.09, 4513.10, 4513.11, 4513.111, 4513.12, 4513.13, 4513.14, 4513.15, 4513.16, 4513.17, 4513.171, 4513.18, 4513.182, 4513.19, 4513.20, 4513.201, 4513.202, 4513.21, 4513.22, 4513.23, 4513.24, 4513.242, 4513.25, 4513.26, 4513.27, 4513.28, 4513.29, 4513.30, 4513.31, 4513.32, or 4513.34 of the Revised Code shall be punished under division (B) of this section.

(B) Whoever violates the sections of this chapter that are specifically required to be punished under this division, or any provision of sections 4513.03 to 4513.262 or 4513.27 to 4513.37 of the Revised Code for which violation no penalty is otherwise provided, is guilty of a minor misdemeanor on a first offense; on a second offense within one year after the first offense, the person is guilty of a misdemeanor of the fourth degree; on each subsequent offense within one year after the first offense, the person is guilty of a misdemeanor of the third degree.

Friday = A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Friday was a day was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!

I was in a car accident on my way home from class that morning; which put the rest of the day in a fog for the most part. If the white truck that caused the accident didn't return to the scene, I would have been held liable for the accident. But thankfully she did return.

She was pretty much "Pacing me" or challenging me to race her all through New Miami, then when it turned into a 1 lane street she forcefully got infront of me. All the way through New Miami (when the road was a 2 lane road on both sides) she drove insanely!! When we got to Seven Mile she tried to drive like a bat out of Hell (forgive that analogy but it's was really like that).

Just out of Seven Mile when the center line became a doted line instead of the straight yellow she passed the Black Hyundai infront of her. However, she failed to look before she passed him, because there was a full sized red Semi-truck too close to pass someone comfortably. So she "gunned" the gas, at the same time she accelerated toilet seats came literally flying out of the bed of the truck as well as black smoke from her exhaust system. Afraid one of them would come down on my car I swerved to miss it.

At that point in time I thought there was a good car's length between me and the car in front of me (the car that she passed), the Black Hyundai. Or so I thought.... because he had slowed down to almost a complete stop because of the toilet seats flying out of her car. I slammed on my breaks (there was at least a small car's length between us, assuming b/c my skid marks are that long if not longer) but not soon enough. I hit the Black Hyundai.



What freaked me out even more, was the fact that they had a 2 month old infant in the car with them (thank the Father in Heaven she was buckled in correctly). This baby was so shaken up!!! I am still scared that there is something wrong with her because I haven't heard anything (like I'm gonna ya know?).

At the scene of the accident everyone appeared to be alright, just really thrown to the moon in back in a matter of seconds. The woman in the white truck (the person who was at fault) came back to collect her toilet seats that had "fallen" out of her truck. When she started to walk over to the evidence I turned to the grandma of the little 2 month old and told her that she's going to collect that and say she had no part in this. The grandma then yelled out to this woman, "Hey you, you better leave those right where they are... that's evidence!!!" The woman said back that she's just seeing where her stuff was (yeah right.... she was gonna collect them and leave!!). That's when the cops showed up.

After every thing was said and done the Deputy turns to me and says, "Now, on a normal traffic accident like this I would site you because you hit them (pointing the Black Hyundai) but this is anything but normal. We have series of events that happened leading up to the collision of the two car's" I'm thinking I'm still gonna be cited for it but then he says, "I'm not going to write you the ticket, she's getting it (pointing to the lady sitting on the bumper of her truck that'st now parked in a drive way). If you have ANY questions at all please call me, I work all weekend. I'm off Monday and Tuesday. Here's the report number, and your accident report will be ready on Monday."

After everything is said and done, I get home and I'm still a little frazzled. So I sit and talk to my dad a little bit about everything (Daddy came to my rescue when I called him from the scene- I love my daddy!!!!). I had to go to the Oxford Police Dept to get a background check for my psych class's for my field work, so on my way I stopped by a friend's house who owns an Auto body business to look at my car and write me up an estimate. I need to pretty much get an new front end!!! It's at the very least going to be $2000's!!!




Later on Friday night, I was still hurting. The pain levels kept climbing. If I was sitting still it stayed between a 6 and a 7. (1-10, 10 being the worst pain imaginable) However, if I sneezed (which as been happening a lot lately no thanks to Mother Nature) the pain level shot up to an 8 or a 9!! And HURT!!!! The Doc at the ER gave me some muscle relaxer.... that KNOCKS my little butt OUT!! So I can't take it when I have class, or when I have homework (like I have now....). So in pain I must sit for a bit to get it all done.... finished.... complete... you call it how it is.

As well, I have to go to court if this dumb woman (who thinks she's so hot of a driver) contests her ticket for driving like a crazy person.

Will the drama EVER end?

Locked out and don't know how to get back in

So I'm house/dog sitting at my cousin's for this week.

Friday night was my first night in this house. I kicked my flip flops off... and at my feet was Dakota. Their black lab/weenie dog mix. He ate one of them. I only brought 1 pair of shoes besides my work shoes. This was just the start of my night here.

I went to bed at like quarter till 11 PM. Angel, their yellow lab, was sleeping in the room on the floor. And like most men (he's a male) he snores.... LOUDLY. Sometimes when he's asleep he'll make a different noise (kinda like my random hick-ups that I'll make every so often) and he made a different noise that I'm not use to hearing. So I woke up really abruptly at 11:30 PM thinking someone broke into the house (even with the entire house locked up). I laid back down thinking that I forgot to do something. Like 5 seconds later I remembered; I forgot to turn off the sprinkler in the garden.

Angel followed me down stairs, and I went outside. Couldn't use my flip flops because one was ate up. So I went out in my bare feet. Turned the water off and went to go back inside to go to bed. But I couldn't get back in. The door was LOCKED!! I tried to undo the latch on the fence to go around front (thinking "crap how am I going to get back in?!") but I couldn't even open the gate (in the dark)!!!! I had to climb the fence to even get out of the backyard.

I get out front and the neighbor's house is pretty much all lit up in the front, so I think they are still up. I go over and ring their door bell 3 times for help. But no answer. I'm FREAKING OUT!!!! I have it in my mind that I'm going to be sleeping in my car for the night and calling for help in the morning. I go to my car and I lay the driver seat down, really seriously thinking that I'm stuck outside all night. Then I remember that they have a keyless entry on the garage, just gotta remember the code. I go and enter a 4 diget number in the thing. Wrong number. I walk back to my car and sit/lay down in it. Another number comes to mind, I enter it. Wrong number again. It's getting later and more later as I try this. I try again.... another WRONG number.

I go back to my car really thinking that I'm going to be sleeping in the car that night. So I put everything that was in my back seat in the front passenger seat. I take the zip up hoodie that I had in there to keep me warm during my summer classes under my head. I seriously attempt to see if it was at all possible to sleep in the back seat of my car. Yeah- no it didn't work at all!!! TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!

So I prayed HARD for God to help me remember that number. I knew that I knew it, because it's a number that I've seen as well as called before. About 5, 10 maybe even 15 min's later another number came to my head. That "short" amount of time though felt like FOREVER!!! I hurried out of my back seat of my car as fast as I could without hurting myself, and tried the number a few seconds later..... The garage door starts to open!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!

I get back in and Angel is looking at me like, "Where did you go? And why did it take so long for you to come back?" As cute as a dog can be he was that x10!!!! We get back to bed way after mid-night....

Then the next morning I called Old Navy to see if they would mind me walking in bare foot, and explained to them why I would be. I had also taken the flip flops with me to attempt to walk in the store with some sort of shoe on my feet.

Saturday was a long day because of the events of the night before.

My Brain's Constipation

Okay I have been thinking about posting a blog about everything that's "floating" around in this head of mine. But I have no clue how to organize my thoughts.... so this is my brain totally pooping out in this...

Yesterday at work I totally had like 4-5 anxiety attacks!!! I am insanely busy!!! And I know this, but as well I have had like 4 of my really good friends tell me that I am, and that is sad. With me having work at Chick-fil-a (which is totally amazingly wonderful), with my 2 classes that I am in now (Educational Psychology and Theatre), trying to work my small business, as well still trying to stay committed to the out reach that I have vest at least 3 years of my life too (the Good Samaritan Run aka Good Sam Run). I miss all of my friends that both serve on the team as well with friends that we serve.

How busy am I? For example, I had to get stuff done at school (Miami University-Hamilton) when I got off of work the other day I had every intention of leaving work and going to school to get things done. However, I found myself driving home… for what? I have NO FREAKING CLUE!!!! What did I do? Change my clothes (that I had in my car ready to change into at work), and left again like 15 minutes later for Miami University-Hamilton. Pointless right? I know!!! I feel space less, yet everything that I am dealing with RIGHT now is going in one million different directions at the same time.

I am finding it extremely hard to focus on any one specific thing. I feel like my thoughts are like a wild loin that is exceedingly hard to train. Or it’s like my thoughts are on the Fortune 500 racetrack with like 100 other racecars competing for first place. ARGH!!!

I know what needs to get done…. But where do I even begin? I know, I know, I know “at the beginning” but where is that at?

For example… I have a paper do in my Theatre class next Wednesday and this paper has specifics. The rubric is very detailed in what has to be in the paper. Each paragraph is pretty much written out as to what is to be written in it (but in our words based on a local performance we went to) as well a word minimum and maximum (700-800). I started the paper a few days ago… and totally worked on the rest of it today (yes, with my thoughts going everywhere in my mind) and finished it. However my word count is 917…. 117 words OVER limit.

As well, tomorrow I am going to King Library in Oxford, Ohio to work “solely” on my Ed Psych project. And I have to seriously rock this out. On my mid-term I got a D… Not good at all. So the reason why I need to rock this out is because if I do well on my project (due Tuesday) and on my final exam (on Thursday at 4 PM), she will sorta “weigh” the two good (I’m praying they turn out to bee) things against the bad mid-term. So I gotta do it as best as I can.

3 of my classmates, who I have been paired with in my Theatre class, have to do our final performance together on Wednesday, which is a huge part of our final exam. The 4 of us have written a short 15-minute (I hope it’s that long) skit that we have to act out ourselves. On Sunday I have church in the morning (can’t wait to get recharged) then at 2PM the other 3 are meeting up with me at church so we can practice afterwards. I am a little scared because it is 3 guys (Leu, Bobby, and Caleb) and me (the only female). I am playing 2 different girls in my skit…. Meaning I have change my clothes for each 4 scenes with only a minute in between scene changes…. I’m figuring that I’ll wear the same black bottoms and throw on a different skirt for the last two scenes? I’m not even sure?

Like I said insane!!! And that’s just next 6 days!!!!

God please help me? Please?

The Dream Man of Mine

First and foremost he's got to know the Lord as his Savior & not just "know of the Lord." They need to walk together daily.

I want to love me for being me, imperfections and all

He's got to be a man of character

Has dignity

Has his own personality

Is educated

Loves music- BOUNS if he can sing and play an instrument (guitar or piano)

Likes to cook- so we can cook together

Is older than me

Taller than me

Doesn't drink to get drunk but is a social drinker

Does NOT smoke (anything)

Has big hands- i.e. to hold me firmly but softly and to make me feel safe

Loves to read, camp, explore, drive

He loves to travel

Lives and outwardly focused life

Loves to volunteer in the community

Willing to pray with me and for others

Has goals in his life and things he would like to achieve with his wife.... me

Wants kids either biologically or adopted

Will challenge me daily to be a better person, woman, and Christian

A man who will lead me

A man who dresses nice but who can rock out wearing a T-shirt, plaid shorts and sandals

A man who will want to rip my clothes off of me every time he sees me, but respects me enough to keep that for our private times

A man who is close to his family, but knows when to be his own person without them

Who loves coffee

Who's a hopeless romantic

A man who inspires me

Loves to laugh and joke around

Wants to go on mission trips together

A man who can handle my overly dramatic family

Who dreams about me

Who prays for me even though we haven't met yet

Who takes challenges head on and doesn't run from them

Who is supportive of my dreams and goals

Who will make me breakfast in bed and spend the whole day laying around with me when I am sick

Someone who is willing to be late to work just to make me smile before he leaves

Someone who is willing to take a scenic route home just to see the sights and to spend more time with me

Who holds my face while he kisses me

Who sees me in his future

What about it?

So I am coming to an end of my 1st year back in college, since I graduated with my first degree in Advertising Art. It is TOTALLY 100% different then my time at The School of Advertising Art!!! Better or worse? Depends on how one looks at it. I enjoyed my time at SAA, a lot, however I did not enjoy the drama from fellow students (ie: roommates, specific classmates, and a specific instructor). Miami is TOTALLY different when drama happens, it's because a instructor suddenly retires in the middle of the quarter, or I forget to schedule a test with ODS (Office of Disability for Students).

In switching from a total artistic based college into a university there are not subtle differences. There are GINORMOUS differences!!!! One thing I wished SAA had were math courses. Now, I know they did not need to have them because they are not a four year college, but a two year. However it would have been extremely helpful.

The one noticeable difference is the job placement and how the student services of each school works with each individual student. I feel that SAA picks and chooses students they want to help get further along in the graphic design field. Where as Miami actually helps each individual student get a job to either help them along while they are in school at Miami, or when they get out help them to obtain a job in the career that they studied at Miami. Whether it be in an actual job or in an internship.

Well.... this class is over now (last day of classes) I'll type more later....

Boycotting Family Party- rant

Okay- A LOT has happened within my family.... and now my name is "Mud" as in mud you walk through when it rains and you wash it off your feet or shoes when you get to where you are going. Because of what took place last December (2010) I will not be "joining" the Birkenshaw clan for their Easter activities. Nor do I have any desire to hear any of their voices about anything. Nor do I wish to see specific people, or even care to talk with them.

I have some time to actually think if I will ever go to another family function. But as of right now... I really could absolutely care less about seeing them.

If they wish to actually want to know me and see where I am, they can contact me and schedule something with me. But I seriously doubt that they will. I am not holding my breath.

Yes, this is sad, but they lost all respect from me at the end of last year when they told me about "who I was" as a person. They don't know me, they don't talk to me, and I'm not going out of my way to let them get to know me. I've got so much going on in my life right now, that IF they want to be in my life they will have to make an attempt to be in my life and not just at family parties. Where everyone is fake as it is.

Ohio Senate Bill 5

My experience with unions as a teenager was not a good one. At the time I did not understand what they were, let alone saw the good that they do. Now, as a working adult I see the good that they do, or try to accomplish, on a regular basis. Unions make working conditions safer and fare to employees. The unions are bargain based, meaning they want opinions and different views to collectively make decisions on what is best for the company and their employees they represent. SB 5 would seriously limit the bargaining rights of union workers, and threatens termination of those workers who choose to strike. (Phillips-Sandy, Par 5) Before I get started on all the bad that OH SB 5 is and will cause, I want to define what worker unions are and what they have actually done for the Ohio population in the past. A workers union is made up of many people, not just one person over seeing a job. Rather a team. If someone has an issue with the way administrators or managers try to manipulate their employee’s contracts, the employees can refer to their contract to see specific parameters of their rights as an employee. As long as the administrator/manager and employee stay within the parameter, there should be no issue. If they still have questions about it they can address it at a union meeting, where different matters of the work place is discussed, contracts are negotiated, and new by-laws for the contracts are written. With a union there are processes to get things done. As well, there is a security that the union member will not be let go because of “he said/she said” drama that goes on in an everyday work place. Collective bargaining is what the union is there to help keep things working in the business manner. Contracts, hours, pay wages, working conditions are bargained. As well as who is who in the union; union president, chair holders, outflow of funds are all-apart of a voting system of the union members. (Sayles and Strauss, pg 6) The Ohio Senate Bill 5 should not be passed because it allows unfair job termination and hinders hiring qualified people, loss of wages for not only limited to firefighters, police officers, and school district employees, as well as it negatively affects health insurance.

If the SB 5 does in fact pass into law this will dramatically affect about 350,000 firefighters, police officers, teachers, and other public employees all over the State of Ohio. (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, Restricting Unions,” Par 2) Sen. Shannon Jones is the woman who is sponsoring this bill, and is supporting this bill because she thinks that it will help Ohio save money. This it will cost the men and women of Ohio to be more in debt because the cost of living is so high now, more than it has been in the past. Danny Pride says in an article written by Rozborli that it is unfair that states that are doing away with unions should have to sacrifice bargaining rights while other large businesses get government bailouts for their own financial mistakes. Pride goes on to say that the Working Class shouldn’t carry the weight of the predicament that is going on with Wall Street. (Rozborli, Par 1 and 2) Union workers are considered to be middle class employees. It is because of unions that the middle class has the health care coverage they have, and make the money that they make. With out the union health insurance will quite literally rob us of the time that we spend with our loved ones. It robs us because we will need to work more to be able to afford the coverage as well as put food on our tables. SB 5 will extinguish the middle class leaving only the upper class, and low class workers.

Wages will be drastically cut and all in all kills the job market. How can you “stimulate” the economy when SB 5 seriously makes getting a job with a former union based company an insult to work for with out competitive pay rates? There will no longer be contracts drawn up, so no negotiations; there for strikes will no longer be. But if there is strikes SB 5 makes a threat to those who are thinking about going on strike; percentages of up to twice an employee’ daily pay for each day they are on strike, fines, suspension, automatic termination and possibility of jail time. (Am. Sub. S. B. No. 5., P 251) and (Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5, Par 12) Is it not our right as United States Americans to have freedom of speech when we feel that we are being wronged or cheated out of what we think we should be paid (or have been paid in the past for the same job), or because of the conditions we are working in? These kind of repercussions because a man or woman is voicing their opinions and standing for what they believe is right is down right wrong.

Future pay increases will solely be based on merit if SB 5 becomes law. So if Mrs. Jones works for a union company for 20 years her pay raises will not be based on how long she has been there. Her pay will solely based on how well she performs her job. If she is a teacher it will be based on how well her students test on the State Exams. In some ways that is fare but in other’s like on a city official’s pay scale how can one determine his or her “merits?” Sen. Michael Skinkell asks this same question, "So on a police officer, what is merit based pay? Is it the number of tickets they write? So if a police officer writes more tickets they get a higher wage? Is that our merit based pay?" (Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5, Par 7) The same question goes for a Firefighter and an EMT, is merit based on the number of lives they save or fires they kill? The merit based pay has too many questions to even begin to think about passing SB 5.
"To ram something through within a few weeks is irresponsible, and to blame the budget woes of the state on the workers is a downright travesty," said Columbus firefighter Terry Marsh (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, restricting unions”, Par 12). I agree with Mr. Marsh, this Bill was written and quite factually pushed through the Senate. In fact the Republicans pushed to pass it so fast and so hard that the vote was 17-16 (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, restricting unions”, Par 2). What I heard in the news that they pulled a Democrat that was going to vote against SB 5 out of the room right as they were passing out the ballots, so he did not get to vote tying the poll. Who is looking out for whom now in the work place? It is really sad when 9 year old students understand what this means for their favorite teacher. Dawn Hunley’s son, Mike and his best friend Ty joined in with the picketers in Columbus, OH on March 8th. They told the reporter, "We're here for our teacher," Mike said. "And not just for the rich," Ty added. "They want us all to grow up poor," they both said. Mike’s mom had it right when she stated that the two boys would be apart of history, because they are helping to make it. What is even sadder is the boys wanted to be there. Mike and Ty understood that SB 5 is damage to everyone. (Bostick, Par 8 and 9)

Unfortunately, in the process of writing this argument the OH SB 5 went to the House of Ohio Representatives and passed into law. On Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 7: 19 P.M. Gov. John Kasich signed the bill. The protestors in front of the Statehouse said that it revokes the rights of what Ohioans have been working for and towards for over 20 years. (Bradley, Par 6) If the Ohio Union workers are able to receive enough signatures by the November elections, the issue will appear as a referendum on the Fall 2011 election. Our job now, for all who are opposed to OH SB 5 is to sign the petition. On the article “Kasich signs Senate Bill 5” written by Thomas Bradley, there was a comment at the bottom of the web page by someone anonymous, he said “R.I.P. Ohio -- I will miss you!” Makes a person think that the OH SB 5 is a huge let down to all of the workers that have been striving for so much more in the work place(s).


Works Citied

“Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5.” WKBN.com. 2 March 2011. Web. 31 March 2011

“Ohio Senate Bill 5 passes, restricting unions.” CBS News. 2 March 2011. Web. March 10 2011.

Am. Sub. S. B. No. 5. 2011-2012. Print.

Bostick, Bruce. “Ohio Workers shake Capitol in giant SP 5 protest.” People’sworld.org. 14 March 2011. Web. 15 March 2011.

Bradley, Thomas. “Kasich signs Senate Bill 5.” The Lantern. 31 March 2011. Web. 4 April 2011.
Medoff, James. What do unions do?. New York; Basic Books, Inc., 1984.

Rozborli, Robert. “Senate Bill 5 Continues its Controversy.” Neighborhood Voice. 31 March 2011. Web. 1 April 2011.

Sandy-Phillips, Mary. “Ohio SB 5: The Anti-Collective Bargaining Bill Explained” AOL News. 2 March 2011. Web. 28 March 2011.

Sayles, Leonard R. and Strauss, George. The Local Union. Revised Edition. New York; Harcourt, Brace & World, Inc., 1967.

I am very Successful!!!!

Okay, so here lately I haven't been feeling 100% myself. I know that this will be a season of feeling like this for a time, because I am close the doors of past rejections in my life. Revisiting the "still open & letting bad thoughts enter" rejections. I am someone who is HIGHLY favored and really valued, because I am a child of the one TRUE king, who is my Lord and Savior- God and his son Jesus Christ.

I am a very successful, independent woman!! When I look back at when I was laid off of work in the mid-summer of '08, I felt like a total failure. When my family looked at me, I would get (and sometimes still do) these feelings of failure, not worthy of love, and total rejection.

But in thinking about all the rejection that has happened recently (in the past week) amongst family and friends I have felt like this cloud of total and utter seclusion and rejection hung over me. I really no longer feel the love from my family (not including my father and my brother Tim). Yes- that feeling of how they view my life as a complete waste of time (their's) is there any and EVERY time I speak to them.

Looking back over this past year- I know that I can say that I have been very successful at forming meaningful relationships with many different people from different walks of life. I cherish each and everyone of them as well.

I started my business in late December of 2009, and kicked it off in January of 2010- AND STILL DOING IT!!!! I love it as well!!! I'm so happy to be apart of the Premier Family and be totally valued for simply being WHO I AM!! You know it doesn't matter that a lot of my family think it is a waste of time or think that I don't do anything when I am in fact busy ALL the time with it. It doesn't matter if they want to support me in it either. I mean yeah it would be nice if they did, but seriously... it really doesn't matter.

I am back in college FULL TIME and on the DEAN'S LIST for the first time in my life ever!!! As well with working part time at an amazing fast food place; Chick-Fil-A!!!

I am VERY SUCCESSFUL!!! Now, the question looms about where I am in life and if I am happy. Yes I am very happy!!! And yes, I still have those days where I don't feel like this. Do I know my purpose for life yet? No, I do not. But I can only pray and hope that I will come into my calling that the Lord has on my life soon.

Until I do, I'm going to keep on being me. And if my family thinks that I am a failure at life, let them. But they better think again!!! Because this woman is on the climb to be a very successful woman of Christ.

If they wish to still throw all of my failures that have happened in my face or try to air dirty laundry they have no right having their noses in... I've got news for them. They have 4 fingers of their own pointing back at them. So before you or they speak THINK about what to say. In the end it will be them making a fool out of themselves, and not out of me.

I'm not perfect and I will not ever be. But you know where I am weak I know that my God is a lot stronger and he will see me through that area, chapter, season of my life.

What is a friend?

-Sweet Friendship-

Friendship is an art. We all know the satisfaction and benefits of good friendships. There is a real security in having a good friend. We also know that people who seem to be friends sometimes betray us, and disappoint us. They are not true friends in the end

While our emphasis seems to be on having friends, the truth is that in order to have friends, we first must be a friend. And so we each need to learn the art of being a friend.

Proverbs 17:17 tells us, "A friend loves at all times." This means that a friend continues to love, and to show his or her love, whatever the circumstances. A friend is one who knows you and still loves you. A true friend helps you when your need is great.

Friendship is love expressed in acceptance of another person. It is consistent. It is being the one person someone else can count on.

This was yesterday's daily devotional.

Written Promises

I've started the illustration that is the biggest that I've ever done today!!! So super excited!!!

I've got over 25 DIFFERENT scriptures telling the many promises of God. However I could only fit 2 of the 25 on here. And the canvas is 38x44"s!! My brain over thought the space I guess. But you know what this means right? A series of paintings!!!!! Yeay me!!!! Even MORE Excited!!!!

So what 2 scriptures do I have on here? Well Joshua 1:7-9 "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." This one took most the board, lol. The 2nd one that I painted is the last one that I had picked out. I like this one A LOT!!! "For we are God's ∫masterpiece∫. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 When I read this in my study bible that my friend got me about a year ago, I got the God pimples!!! And was almost near tears!!! It's amazing!!!! Enjoy the photos that I've posted of the illustration so far.

BTW: I have a HUGE prayer request!!!!! The next part of this illustration will be a total investment... I need over $250's in oil paints, and I don't have that kind of money right now. If this is God's true will these materials will be supplied- my faith in Christ knows that, and I know that. I've seen so much from Him already. Just pray that the supplies will come soon!! K- thanks!!!

Watching Paint Dry

Waiting for paint to dry on my canvas so I thought I’d blog a bit about what I have been going through here lately. I have been troubled for the past few weeks… okay that is a lie… more like months about numerous things that I tend to squash in my heart and try to pay no attention too. But I cannot do this any longer. Because the “squashed” feelings, emotions, thoughts, and call it what you want are surfacing. I know that they are surfacing because a good friend, Becky Maglich, and I are starting a prayer journey about different things that have been allowed into my life through various different events that I have survived through, been through in my subconscious, and have had to deal with on a “real world” level.

So Becky and I are revisiting these major things and one by one we are casting them out so that they no longer reside in my life, but more importantly hinder my walk with Christ. I have noticed the feeling of rejection a lot in the past days. And that little voice in my mind reminding me that I am not valued, wanted, loved, and even appreciated. It is a daily voice that seems to be a companion of mine (but is so not wanted). The more unimportant the thing that I feel being left out of… the LOUDER this voice is.

Even in relationships (i.e.: with friends, a guy, even among family members) I feel like I am a burden to everyone with wanting to feel needed in our relationship. Simple things… Why did they not ask me to help out, why does it fee like he/she is avoiding me, or even why was I not invited? It has even gotten as far as me counting the days since I last sang with our worship team at church. A strong feeling of betrayal lingers in my mind, but why? Even more so “forgotten” seems to haunt my every thought. I find myself sitting by myself a lot now wishing, hoping, and praying that someone, anyone would read my thoughts, even see past the whiteness in my eyes and see the hurt that is there.

But here lately I am beginning to think that wishes do not come true in this case? It is my prayer that after this journey of closing doors that Becky is helping me through that these voices will cease to be in my thoughts and in my head. I know that they have no place in my life or within me.

But for now words affirmation are really encouraged and wanted. But really do not feel forced to give any if you do not have real words of wisdom and love. I do not know how long this spiritual journey is going to take me, and I can imagine that there will be a lot of tears on the path from me. But what is my comfort is that the Lord promises that he will NEVER leave me or even forsake me. The Lord is my joy, my refuge, and my total strength during this time. He has a promise for me on the other side of the mountain that I plan to take in full of when I reach it!!

I know my life will be better going through this, but for now I feel very stirred.

Iceology 101

Since I do not have classes today because of the ginormous ice storm I thought that this would be an amazing time to complain of how much I HATE WINTER and EVERYTHING that has to do with this season!!!! Okay, so yeah I love snow... but only ONE day a year.... Christmas. As soon as it's over I'm ready for spring. I am tired of going to bed with my legs hurting and waking up with them STILL hurting because of the drop in temperature over night. UGH!!!!

Okay enough ranting. So today I had to go over to bridgwater to turn in my two forms of identification to Chick-fil-a (the can not get paid me unless I have them). So I get dressed at about 11 AM... Take my time with a nice long HOT bath... wash the hair... the whole nine yards of drying it and fixing it.

I go to "start" my car and let it warm up and scrape ice from the windshield. One small.... LARGE problem. I can NOT get into my car!!! The driver side door is FROZEN shut!!! No matter how much I slam my hand against the ice in a failed attempt to break it up, it doesn't help. Ouchy

So I go to the passenger side to see if I can get in through there. With a lot of elbow grease, and loosing an eye or two... I got in. Started my car and tried with all my might to open that door from the inside- still no luck.

Got out went to the driver side to start chisel the ice away. It took me a good 45 minutes to clear my car to where it wouldn't be an igloo to sit in (from the 1/2" of ice that was on it)!!! My arms are KILLING me now!!!!

When I got home from running around I took some pictures of the ice.... Enjoy

Small things done with great love, will change the world

In 1998 I was in an automotive accident that left me to be in a coma for four weeks. I remember when I was in the “waking up” stage of my coma, my night sitter or someone told me that I was the cause of the four deaths in my accident and they were all my family, and basically that I was a murderer. Waking up from my coma with a traumatic head injury, I was not in the correct mental capacity. So, imagine telling a 5-year-old that she killed her two sisters’ and her little sister’s best friend. Would she understand and if she did what kind of reaction would she have? I didn’t know who I was, where I was, or what was going on. I remember being alone in my hospital room for the rest of the evening. I began to cry. Somehow, somewhere I knew the blood of the Lamb saved me from the pits of Hell. Wondering why me, what did I do to deserve this? I remember it being so cold in my hospital room, so cold that I had about all the blankets on the floor on me, and yet I was still shivering. I began to cry harder, asking as loud as I could “God, don’t you love me?” “I gave my life to you.” “How could you do this to me?” “I thought you were supposed to keep me safe?” “Why? Why?” I questioned my faith, and him. I was hurt in all ways, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Then I remember my hospital room getting so unbelievably warm, and comfortable, and a feeling of love. Then I heard this voice, “Fontaine, do not fear for I am here. Through me all things are possible. You will live through this, and you will be great… but through me.” He was gone when my nurse came in to see what was wrong and to give me my medications. That night that God spoke to me was what I believe my “Ah-Ha” moment of exactly who God is.

Being raised in a Christian family from birth, I have always “known about” God. As a child and going to Vacation Bible Schools, I asked the Lord to come and live inside of me. Honestly, I think I did it for show and to say “Yeah, I am a member of the family now too. I belong here.” I do not think that I fully understood what it meant to live as Christ and to love as Christ until my “Ah-Ha” moment I had in the fall of ’98. In forming my relationship with my one true God, I have learned a lot about the love that God offers to us as well with a lot about myself. One thing that I still find myself realizing every other second is that God desired to have a relationship with us so he sent his one and only son to build that bridge over the gap between us, by dying for our sins. Yeah, that still gets me every time I think about it. I can now say that I know the Lord and not just know about the Lord. “Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” Ephesians 3:12

Most Christians have a heart for service to others that are less fortunate than ourselves. We are in constant communication with the Heavenly Father. I help with many different community service groups. I, as well, go on various mission trips in and out of the country. People in this cultural group fellowship with others by going to faith based events such as; church, contemporary Christian concerts, go to different sporting events and conventions. As well, Christians enjoy fellowshipping in the community spreading the love of Christ to others in a practical way. Practical ways are simply being there to pray for those who are sick, or being a shoulder for someone to cry on. Even lending a simple ear to listen to some one vent out their frustrations (good, bad, indifferent). It is even as simple as making a turkey sandwich with cheese and mustard and handing it to someone who is hungry and saying “God loves you.” With absolutely no strings attached. We as humans are relational beings, meaning we were meant to have relationships with others. Christians desire to work with all and any types of people. Race, religion, political agenda, sex, handicap, and everything else alike that makes us different from each other does not factor in to our motivations.

In the Christian culture we are generally described as Christians, we are even separated by our denomination: Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Anglican/Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, Non-denominational, etc. Some of our characteristics that are similar but we are all very different, we all share in the love and acceptance of Christ. All of the denominations agree on some basic things the Bible, and the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). Though there are a lot of various types of people in the world today, there is no visual distinct way of picking out a member of this culture group. We are people just like those who are not apart of the culture, and we are not perfect. We are able to recognize that within ourselves. People who do not belong in this culture group see some of the denominations that are within the group as “Bible Thumpers,” “Crucifix wearing,” “Jesus Freaks ,” “Holy Rollers,” or “Shout you down” Christians. However, as I said above we are our own entire individuals. I know that I have a servant’s heart, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve all the time. I like to help where I can and even if I cannot. I know a lot of people who are not like this. They like to go unnoticed, or “fly-under-the-radar” and just do things behind the scenes. The negative views that people who are not Christian, and are the outsiders looking in, do sometimes get the wrong opinion of how a true Christian really acts, especially when they see our faults in the limelight. In which case I hope that person that is calling them self a Christian will make their actions correct when they see them self, acting like a fool. No, I do not think that this judgment of the Christian culture is justified. Rather than from all the hypocritical Christians that smear the good name of God have actually put a negative taste, if you please, in the mouths of non-believing people of the Christian faith.

Most church services are on Sunday mornings and evenings. However, a few churches have services on Saturday nights with a few on Sunday mornings. So they can accommodate those who have busier work schedules, or have kids where Sunday mornings are very hard to get them moving. The Christian culture also celebrates two specific holidays to remember both the birth of Jesus Christ who is the Son of God, and for the death of Jesus Christ and three days later rose again, and is alive today. Both holidays are Christmas and Easter. Many people of this culture have what we call Bibles in our homes. Some have only one that they study rigorously, or there are some people who have two, three, or even four Bibles that are in or around their house. I know for a fact that I have four different versions of the Bible that are all written in different translations, so that I can better study the word and apply it to my life. The Bible is not a “How to” book, but more like a map. As well with the Bible there are different types of music genres that is of this culture. There is gospel, southern gospel, Christian instrumental, Praise and Worship, Christian music for kids, Bluegrass and Country, or my favorite Contemporary Christian (pop) Music. Many different radio stations play this music; some even play only a specific genre. As well there are a variety of Christian authors who write books on specific subjects like, faith, fear, love, what it means to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, weight loss, living in freedom, and numerous bible studies. That being said there are also many other authors who write fiction stories that are action, love, and faith based. From these stories I have found myself falling in love with God over and over again because I look at his passion to be in relation with us. Granted fiction is not true, but, even to begin to entertain the thought that I could be the person that the story is about and have someone fight so hard to “win my heart” or to pursue me, even to help me throughout the story is so heartwarming. Different scriptures of the bible as well that painted, printed, or even etched into an art piece that someone could hang on their wall or in a dorm is in a sense an artifact that they could use for encouragement through any circumstance.

I know that being a member of the Christian family, or cultural group has help to shape me as a daughter, a sister, a woman, a student, and most importantly as a member of the Christian culture because of through various things that I have had my faith tested in. I am still growing in the knowledge of just in fact who God really is and what His purpose is for my life. In some of the things that I go through, he continually reminds me of or has tested me on is that I need to seek him in all things. Pray without ceasing, and, always to endure through the battle, whether it is physical, spiritual or even emotional. Perseverance builds faith in all circumstances. For example, when I was in my accident I did not have all the reasons why I needed to endure such trauma, but the desire that I had to get me where I needed to be to be able to get back to where I once was in life was all I needed for the mental strength to keep on enduring and pushing through to the ability to be able to walk again. Another time was in 2002, when my mother passed away. My world felt like it was just collapsing with me still standing in it. One thing that helped me was holding on to my Heavenly Father’s garment to help lead me through that dark and depressing time. I have learned to praise him for every circumstance, and this is still a struggle for me everyday as well. I know and have the faith in him for his reasons behind everything I have gone through and I am going to go through.

The statement, “Small things done with great love, will change the world” the Vineyard Community Church in Springdale Ohio, has on their building is a strong statement. I find that living your faith outwardly focused is more practical than just saying it. Showing your faith through your actions, and service to others is proof that Christians just do not serve via lip service. I got that when my relationship with God grew into what it is today. My heart is more outwardly focused than it was before my “Ah-Ha” moment in ’98. It is through my words, actions, and service to others that I hope that non-believers would see Christ living inside of me. It is my hope that people see and know that I belong to the Christian Cultural Group.

Fervently Seeking After the Lord

Back in the late summer early fall of ’10 I went to church with my best friend Mark to the Vineyard Community Church on a Saturday night. We stopped at the Chick-fil-a located on Kemper Rd for dinner. In talking with the manager, Jaseon, there I was informed that they would be opening a location at Bridgewater Falls, right off of By-Pass 4 on Princeton Road early ’11. I asked him if was too early to apply to work there or not? He handed me an application and said that if I filled this out and mailed it back to him that he would forward it to the correct people who would be hiring for that location. I did just that!!!

When Chick-fil-a had a huge vinyl sign hanging from the retaining wall at Bridgewater Falls at the end of summer ’10, I knew that I had to start praying about this job even before they broke ground to build the standing restaurant. Praying how could I work there if hired, what would I do when hired, where did I see myself in the company. Starting to watch for a place that was taking applications for that location was hard. But because they did not do it in their building (since it was still being built), they had used a storefront that was behind the old Toys R’ Us location next to Cold Stone Creamery (who has the bestest ice cream ever). So I went in there and got another application to fill out and turn in. Attached to the application was a separate sheet of paper with 5 questions. I retyped the question with my answers in blue.

Where do you see yourself in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

That’s a good question? Where would I like to see myself in a 1-year or even 5, 10 years from now? I have wanted to move out of my dad’s house for sometime now. I am praying that I can get a job to help me obtain the financial means of getting this goal. As well as while I am back in school full time I need a means to help me along during the semesters, and to help me grow more in the business forefront. In 5 years I hope to possibility graduate from Miami with my licensure in Special Education and as well to obtain a job in a school working with special needs children. In 10 years I hope to have a house and maybe even a family of my own.

Who would you say that has been the most influential person in you life? Why?

The most influential person in my life would have to be my mother. I say her because she was the glue that held my family together. She also was the key person that introduced me to the life that I now have with my Lord and King; God She was not only my amazing mother, but she was a best friend and my mentor. I could talk to her and she would not judge me but would counsel me in the “motherly” ways and as a woman of God.

What are the three most important things to you?

I would have to say that the three most important things to me are my bible, music, and my car.

What is your greatest character strength?

I am a very extroverted, personable person, and totally a team player! I have a servant’s heart and an open mind. These are my best character strengths, I believe that each one works together to create me, who I am, and what drives my passions in life.

Why do you want to work at Chick-fil-A?

First off and easily answered: I LOVE THE FOOD that Chick-fil-A serves!! But even more that it is a faith based business. I believe that wit will help develop me more as an adult trying to grow in different avenues of my life. I want to work with a positive team because I am a very positive woman, who loves to work with all types of people.

When I went and turned in my application I had an interview with 1 of their 4 managers. We talked for about 15-20 minutes. At the end of our talking to each other she asked me back for a second interview the following week (mind you this was Tuesday January 18th), because my classes were on Monday and Wednesday and her times were all filled for Tuesday we had to schedule it for Thursday, January 27 at 11 AM.

Before my interview on the 27th I had been talking to Linda Vogt at Miami University about my desire to get a job. She’s had been helping me rewrite my résumé for about a week or so. So I stopped by her office to tell her about my second interview with Chick-fil-a the coming Thursday. We spoke about what I should wear, even for a part time job at a fast food restaurant. We also spoke about my résumé and how I wanted things to read and/or sound to future employers.

So the day of the interview I was so nervous!!! It felt weird to be nervous… but since ’08 I hadn’t worked a reliable hourly job. Sure I worked for 4 different school districts as a paraprofessional substitute, but that job was inconsistent and not dependable. I never knew when I was working next unless it was the night before at 10 PM or the morning of at 5 AM. As well, I haven’t been called to sub but only one or two times since ’11 has started.

I get there for my interview at 10 till 11. Not too early… but not late. I interviewed with 2 managers in 30 minutes. I found out that they do not have a General Manager like most places do. But they have an owner, 4 managers that have the General Manager’s capabilities, and have shift leaders to help run the store. I asked some questions myself like; “If hired now, on my one year review what can I do now that will make it look outstanding?” and “What do the opportunities for growth look like with Chick-fil-a?” I think those two interviews went really well, because at 5:30 that night I got called back for a THIRD interview the following day at 11:30 AM. As well, that interview went really well too.

Saturday morning I was on my way to help out with the out reach that I participate with every Saturday, and thought to take a little thank you note for the interviews. Here I am all bundled up to go and serve with the Good Sam Run with the VCC, wearing a lot of layers because it is outside. Running into the place where they were accepting applications and holding interviews just to drop off this little 3 line typed thank you letter. I got a weird look; let’s just say that. Then went on my way to the VCC.

After that I just left it in the Lord’s hands. I had no control over if they hired me or not. Nothing else I could say or do would help me get it. So I just prayed constantly about it as well with you… my friends.

I knew that Monday January 31st I would get the job offer or not. I had classes ALL day… 9:30-3:30. So my phone had to be either off or on silent. I checked it in between classes; sometimes I peeked at it during class. But nothing yet, not phone call. I get out of Math at 3:15 to a voice mail. It was one of the managers. She told me that she had a job offer and to give her a call back.

It is official!! I am now an employee at Chick-fil-a at Bridgewater Falls. They are set to be open for business February 10, 2011. I start tomorrow!! I go in for a fitting for my uniform from 12-2, and this Saturday from 2-7 for my orientation.

I am SUPPER EXCITED!!!!!