@1:15 AM

My heart is aflutter.... My mind is set
His Plans have been written

Here I sit in my Spanish professor's home, house/puppy dog sitting while she and her fam is away on vaca. My mind should be at rest and my body sound asleep, because normally by now I'd be lost in dream world. I thought I be well on my way by now, at least I've felt that way since my foot has met the thresh hold of the house. And when I "went" to bed at 9:30 PM I was one food in the bed, and one still in my clothes from the day. 

But my guess, there are things running though my mind, and on my heart. So here I am, one could say "unloading." I would say that I'm writing my thoughts and prayers. 

Back in July 2006, I was hired as a graphic designer/cartographer (one that draws maps) for a company, Mass Marketing, in Fairfield, Ohio. My first job as a graphic design job since graduating from The School of Advertising Art in May of 2005. During my two years at this job, I grew SOOO much. Not just as a graphic designer, but as a Christian. 

In June 2007 I did my first mission trip out of the United States (not just out of the state) to Casa Bernabe Orphanage in Guatemala City, Guatemala, C.A. Since this was my first experience, and first sight of what it means to without - I honestly was out of my element and was just going through the motions, and the doing while I was here. I didn't make those lasting, heart to heart, connections with not only the children but with the culture of Guatemala. I worked hard at the many tasks that were being done on the grounds of the orphanage. I did play with the kids, and talk with the house parents, but what I think let get in my way of truly embracing the heart of the culture and the people; most of all the children, was myself.  

When I went again the following summer in 2008, I made sure that I wasn't about the "doing" and that I was more about the "being" and firmly, whole heartedly laying myself out to love on the children and take on more responsibility when caring for one of the homes (I believe they have 7-9 homes with different age groups on the campus) and children. I was "doing" but while I was in the mist of the "doing" I was as well "being"... Being available to love, to serve in what ever capacity needed, to open my heart and take my shield down from what ever fear held me back before. 

When I did this I believe I got the true meaning of what it means to serve. Reckless abandon comes to mind, meaning "without care or regard for consequences," as well as Crazy Love or "Overwhelmed by a Relentless God." And you could say that I've been "bitten" (no not in the vampire "Twilight" way), but in the way that my heart yearns to keep on serving those I can and where I am able too. To be honest with myself, with those that I serve and whom I love with all my heart; it would have happened if the company hadn't of sponsored part of my 2007 and 2008 trips, but as well, and I believe most importantly, if I hadn't have been let go by this company two days before I was to leave for my 2008 trip. I am almost positive that if I was still employed here I would have missed out on my true calling, and perfect opportunity to hear boldly from God what my real purpose is. I would have missed out of going back to college, having to start 100% over in my studies (no I'm not complaining), I would have missed out on making the professional connections not only with my professors, but with faulty of schools where I've had practicum work to do for different courses, having my current job at The Goddard School, even being where I am mentally and spiritually today. As well, I'm sure, many many many more reasons to list here but it's going on 2 AM so I'm afraid I can't list all now... :o/ 

No offense to Mass Marketing and the contact and the connections I've made there, but thank you for letting me go when you did. It allowed me to grow more than I could have seen then. Not only did I learn SO MUCH within the two days before I left, but it left me (this is good I promise) without a job when I returned home and on a "job hunt" again. Which solely lead me to work as an E.S.E.A. Highly Qualified Paraprofessional Substitute in not just one school district but in 4 different school districts. This ultimately is what helped me make up my mind to go back to school to obtain my licensure in Special Education. 

As it says in Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."  He knew my heart's inner most desire way before I even knew what my heart was saying. I guess that's why I changed my major 3 different times in one year to end up back with my first declared major, Special Education? 

My prayer for this up coming mission (in September) is that the Lord will may straight the path so that I may raise the funds to be apart of the team that is going down to Mazatlán, Mexico to work with the children with special needs of this home/orphanage and Back2Back Ministries, as well that I can apply for the 1-2 month internship next summer and pay for the funds for it as well.