As 2011 comes to a close over this next week I will be praying about what my Heavenly Father has in store for me over the next year. I know there will be changes (some good, and maybe some not so good) in my life. New roads for me to go down, through, and to choose from.
I have recently made a semi-big business decision the Saturday after my birthday. Actually I've been praying about it for months now. But when I got home from the Good Sam Run Saturday December 17th it was as if God specifically told me what I already knew I had to do. Though my heart was heavy, and my reluctancy was totally kicking in, I wrote my "Up line" a letter telling them how wonderful they are. At times in writing this letter I got up and paced the floor, walked away from my room, and CRIED the entire tim I wrote this to them. I will not be selling Premier Designs Jewelry until further notice.
I have a lot on my plate as it is, and with having 10+ shows on my calendar since August... and ALL 10 have canceled on me with no re-bookings and my classes are getting a little harder and with that I need more time to study. There is family reasons too but I'm not posting those on here.
Being apart of Premier has allowed me, and helped me grow SOOO MUCH!! I can't even imagine not being apart of it any longer. My heart breaks more if I sit and think about it. The relationships, friendships, and love that has been birthed and grown because of Premier I pray continue on going even though I won't be an independent distributor. I know Premier will be there when I am ready to become apart of the company again. I just pray that the friendships continue.
I'm putting all of my worry, all of my stress, and all of my hopes into the Father's hands. My life is His!! He knows me better than I know myself.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Enlightened but so disheartening....
I have been at extremely hard work with my education since I graduated from Edgewood in 2000. I was given the opportunity to surrender my diploma back to my high school and continue on with my studies at Butler Tech in their Commercial Art program, tuition free. I graduated from there in 2002 with a certificate in Graphic Design. Wanting to pursue that career even further, I submitted my art portfolio to the "Art Forum Inc.", to attend there and obtain my Associate degree.
I started at the "Art Forum Inc." in the fall of 2003. This was by far the hardest endeavor that I have experienced. Not only did I have issues with my course work, but also my living situation was not the best. My first two roommates were nightmares. Every night I would come home to a “trial” of life, with them both questioning everything I am and what/who I believed in. These two 18 year olds thought they knew everything there was to living on their own. Me, 21 almost 22, had lived on my own for 2 to 3 years already. So, just imagine what these nights looked like when they badgered me. But that is not the reason for my paper, so I digress.
I graduated form the "Art Forum Inc." with my Associate’s in Graphic Design. I was not your “A+” student, however I was your average B-C student. When I was first looking at attending this school they specifically told me, “they help their graduated students find employment with in the graphic design field.” This was not true by any stretch of the imagination. I spent years applying, searching, and interviewing for jobs. No potential job leads were ever given to me, but rather a weekly email with links listed as to what was made available to the school’s secretary. I got these emailed to me via a search engine that both he and I were registered with. This was no help. The school has leads for their favorite students; I was not one of them. I know this now for a fact.
I had a hint back when I was a student there that they showed biasness, rather a specific person did, towards certain students. Last night I ran into an acquaintance that I had befriended while I attended this school. She and I spoke about how some of the things were done while I attended there. She told me how the president, Mr. Brock, “asked” the teachers if they would have a problem lowering a grade on a student’s art work so that the student would fail out. She told me how Mr. Brock and his son in-law, who also works in this "school," would sit and calculate a student’s grades so that Mr. Brock could kick them out.
Proving my point was when I had Mr. Brock for a drawing class on developing a book cover. I went to talk with him everyday about the class assignment to make sure that I did exactly what he wanted. Each time we would sit and talk he changed his mind on what he wanted me to do. Finally, fed up and really confused on what was being asked of me I brought a tape recorder with me to talk with him. He refused to talk to me when I had the recorder. He failed me, telling me that I did not do what he asked of me. This same marker rendering I took with me to the next level class. I ended up painting a picture for the main picture for the cover of this book. I scanned it into the computer and did this:
The instructor I had for this part of the project gave me a B on my work.
Finding out this information that this college was based on popularity makes me question myself as an artist, question my abilities in creating anything that should be or can be aesthetically pleasing to a person’s eye. I have been wondering about what others would think if they knew that the first college that I attended was a complete joke? Would they think that I am a joke, or a “wanna” be? I have a piece a paper hanging on my bedroom wall that cost me more than $50,000’s, I am now wanting to burn and I have a so-called portfolio that I thought I could stand on but now I feel as if it is just refrigerator art for mom to hang and throw away when it gets gross. Now, I question everything. The things that I am tremendously passionate about I now find myself questioning if I am even good at it.
I am sure that this is a grieving period that I am going to have to go through. But it is very sad that everything I have done, and claim to profess about my work I now question.
I started at the "Art Forum Inc." in the fall of 2003. This was by far the hardest endeavor that I have experienced. Not only did I have issues with my course work, but also my living situation was not the best. My first two roommates were nightmares. Every night I would come home to a “trial” of life, with them both questioning everything I am and what/who I believed in. These two 18 year olds thought they knew everything there was to living on their own. Me, 21 almost 22, had lived on my own for 2 to 3 years already. So, just imagine what these nights looked like when they badgered me. But that is not the reason for my paper, so I digress.
I graduated form the "Art Forum Inc." with my Associate’s in Graphic Design. I was not your “A+” student, however I was your average B-C student. When I was first looking at attending this school they specifically told me, “they help their graduated students find employment with in the graphic design field.” This was not true by any stretch of the imagination. I spent years applying, searching, and interviewing for jobs. No potential job leads were ever given to me, but rather a weekly email with links listed as to what was made available to the school’s secretary. I got these emailed to me via a search engine that both he and I were registered with. This was no help. The school has leads for their favorite students; I was not one of them. I know this now for a fact.
I had a hint back when I was a student there that they showed biasness, rather a specific person did, towards certain students. Last night I ran into an acquaintance that I had befriended while I attended this school. She and I spoke about how some of the things were done while I attended there. She told me how the president, Mr. Brock, “asked” the teachers if they would have a problem lowering a grade on a student’s art work so that the student would fail out. She told me how Mr. Brock and his son in-law, who also works in this "school," would sit and calculate a student’s grades so that Mr. Brock could kick them out.
Proving my point was when I had Mr. Brock for a drawing class on developing a book cover. I went to talk with him everyday about the class assignment to make sure that I did exactly what he wanted. Each time we would sit and talk he changed his mind on what he wanted me to do. Finally, fed up and really confused on what was being asked of me I brought a tape recorder with me to talk with him. He refused to talk to me when I had the recorder. He failed me, telling me that I did not do what he asked of me. This same marker rendering I took with me to the next level class. I ended up painting a picture for the main picture for the cover of this book. I scanned it into the computer and did this:
The instructor I had for this part of the project gave me a B on my work.
Finding out this information that this college was based on popularity makes me question myself as an artist, question my abilities in creating anything that should be or can be aesthetically pleasing to a person’s eye. I have been wondering about what others would think if they knew that the first college that I attended was a complete joke? Would they think that I am a joke, or a “wanna” be? I have a piece a paper hanging on my bedroom wall that cost me more than $50,000’s, I am now wanting to burn and I have a so-called portfolio that I thought I could stand on but now I feel as if it is just refrigerator art for mom to hang and throw away when it gets gross. Now, I question everything. The things that I am tremendously passionate about I now find myself questioning if I am even good at it.
I am sure that this is a grieving period that I am going to have to go through. But it is very sad that everything I have done, and claim to profess about my work I now question.
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