So I am coming to an end of my 1st year back in college, since I graduated with my first degree in Advertising Art. It is TOTALLY 100% different then my time at The School of Advertising Art!!! Better or worse? Depends on how one looks at it. I enjoyed my time at SAA, a lot, however I did not enjoy the drama from fellow students (ie: roommates, specific classmates, and a specific instructor). Miami is TOTALLY different when drama happens, it's because a instructor suddenly retires in the middle of the quarter, or I forget to schedule a test with ODS (Office of Disability for Students).
In switching from a total artistic based college into a university there are not subtle differences. There are GINORMOUS differences!!!! One thing I wished SAA had were math courses. Now, I know they did not need to have them because they are not a four year college, but a two year. However it would have been extremely helpful.
The one noticeable difference is the job placement and how the student services of each school works with each individual student. I feel that SAA picks and chooses students they want to help get further along in the graphic design field. Where as Miami actually helps each individual student get a job to either help them along while they are in school at Miami, or when they get out help them to obtain a job in the career that they studied at Miami. Whether it be in an actual job or in an internship.
Well.... this class is over now (last day of classes) I'll type more later....
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Boycotting Family Party- rant
Okay- A LOT has happened within my family.... and now my name is "Mud" as in mud you walk through when it rains and you wash it off your feet or shoes when you get to where you are going. Because of what took place last December (2010) I will not be "joining" the Birkenshaw clan for their Easter activities. Nor do I have any desire to hear any of their voices about anything. Nor do I wish to see specific people, or even care to talk with them.
I have some time to actually think if I will ever go to another family function. But as of right now... I really could absolutely care less about seeing them.
If they wish to actually want to know me and see where I am, they can contact me and schedule something with me. But I seriously doubt that they will. I am not holding my breath.
Yes, this is sad, but they lost all respect from me at the end of last year when they told me about "who I was" as a person. They don't know me, they don't talk to me, and I'm not going out of my way to let them get to know me. I've got so much going on in my life right now, that IF they want to be in my life they will have to make an attempt to be in my life and not just at family parties. Where everyone is fake as it is.
I have some time to actually think if I will ever go to another family function. But as of right now... I really could absolutely care less about seeing them.
If they wish to actually want to know me and see where I am, they can contact me and schedule something with me. But I seriously doubt that they will. I am not holding my breath.
Yes, this is sad, but they lost all respect from me at the end of last year when they told me about "who I was" as a person. They don't know me, they don't talk to me, and I'm not going out of my way to let them get to know me. I've got so much going on in my life right now, that IF they want to be in my life they will have to make an attempt to be in my life and not just at family parties. Where everyone is fake as it is.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Ohio Senate Bill 5
My experience with unions as a teenager was not a good one. At the time I did not understand what they were, let alone saw the good that they do. Now, as a working adult I see the good that they do, or try to accomplish, on a regular basis. Unions make working conditions safer and fare to employees. The unions are bargain based, meaning they want opinions and different views to collectively make decisions on what is best for the company and their employees they represent. SB 5 would seriously limit the bargaining rights of union workers, and threatens termination of those workers who choose to strike. (Phillips-Sandy, Par 5) Before I get started on all the bad that OH SB 5 is and will cause, I want to define what worker unions are and what they have actually done for the Ohio population in the past. A workers union is made up of many people, not just one person over seeing a job. Rather a team. If someone has an issue with the way administrators or managers try to manipulate their employee’s contracts, the employees can refer to their contract to see specific parameters of their rights as an employee. As long as the administrator/manager and employee stay within the parameter, there should be no issue. If they still have questions about it they can address it at a union meeting, where different matters of the work place is discussed, contracts are negotiated, and new by-laws for the contracts are written. With a union there are processes to get things done. As well, there is a security that the union member will not be let go because of “he said/she said” drama that goes on in an everyday work place. Collective bargaining is what the union is there to help keep things working in the business manner. Contracts, hours, pay wages, working conditions are bargained. As well as who is who in the union; union president, chair holders, outflow of funds are all-apart of a voting system of the union members. (Sayles and Strauss, pg 6) The Ohio Senate Bill 5 should not be passed because it allows unfair job termination and hinders hiring qualified people, loss of wages for not only limited to firefighters, police officers, and school district employees, as well as it negatively affects health insurance.
If the SB 5 does in fact pass into law this will dramatically affect about 350,000 firefighters, police officers, teachers, and other public employees all over the State of Ohio. (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, Restricting Unions,” Par 2) Sen. Shannon Jones is the woman who is sponsoring this bill, and is supporting this bill because she thinks that it will help Ohio save money. This it will cost the men and women of Ohio to be more in debt because the cost of living is so high now, more than it has been in the past. Danny Pride says in an article written by Rozborli that it is unfair that states that are doing away with unions should have to sacrifice bargaining rights while other large businesses get government bailouts for their own financial mistakes. Pride goes on to say that the Working Class shouldn’t carry the weight of the predicament that is going on with Wall Street. (Rozborli, Par 1 and 2) Union workers are considered to be middle class employees. It is because of unions that the middle class has the health care coverage they have, and make the money that they make. With out the union health insurance will quite literally rob us of the time that we spend with our loved ones. It robs us because we will need to work more to be able to afford the coverage as well as put food on our tables. SB 5 will extinguish the middle class leaving only the upper class, and low class workers.
Wages will be drastically cut and all in all kills the job market. How can you “stimulate” the economy when SB 5 seriously makes getting a job with a former union based company an insult to work for with out competitive pay rates? There will no longer be contracts drawn up, so no negotiations; there for strikes will no longer be. But if there is strikes SB 5 makes a threat to those who are thinking about going on strike; percentages of up to twice an employee’ daily pay for each day they are on strike, fines, suspension, automatic termination and possibility of jail time. (Am. Sub. S. B. No. 5., P 251) and (Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5, Par 12) Is it not our right as United States Americans to have freedom of speech when we feel that we are being wronged or cheated out of what we think we should be paid (or have been paid in the past for the same job), or because of the conditions we are working in? These kind of repercussions because a man or woman is voicing their opinions and standing for what they believe is right is down right wrong.
Future pay increases will solely be based on merit if SB 5 becomes law. So if Mrs. Jones works for a union company for 20 years her pay raises will not be based on how long she has been there. Her pay will solely based on how well she performs her job. If she is a teacher it will be based on how well her students test on the State Exams. In some ways that is fare but in other’s like on a city official’s pay scale how can one determine his or her “merits?” Sen. Michael Skinkell asks this same question, "So on a police officer, what is merit based pay? Is it the number of tickets they write? So if a police officer writes more tickets they get a higher wage? Is that our merit based pay?" (Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5, Par 7) The same question goes for a Firefighter and an EMT, is merit based on the number of lives they save or fires they kill? The merit based pay has too many questions to even begin to think about passing SB 5.
"To ram something through within a few weeks is irresponsible, and to blame the budget woes of the state on the workers is a downright travesty," said Columbus firefighter Terry Marsh (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, restricting unions”, Par 12). I agree with Mr. Marsh, this Bill was written and quite factually pushed through the Senate. In fact the Republicans pushed to pass it so fast and so hard that the vote was 17-16 (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, restricting unions”, Par 2). What I heard in the news that they pulled a Democrat that was going to vote against SB 5 out of the room right as they were passing out the ballots, so he did not get to vote tying the poll. Who is looking out for whom now in the work place? It is really sad when 9 year old students understand what this means for their favorite teacher. Dawn Hunley’s son, Mike and his best friend Ty joined in with the picketers in Columbus, OH on March 8th. They told the reporter, "We're here for our teacher," Mike said. "And not just for the rich," Ty added. "They want us all to grow up poor," they both said. Mike’s mom had it right when she stated that the two boys would be apart of history, because they are helping to make it. What is even sadder is the boys wanted to be there. Mike and Ty understood that SB 5 is damage to everyone. (Bostick, Par 8 and 9)
Unfortunately, in the process of writing this argument the OH SB 5 went to the House of Ohio Representatives and passed into law. On Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 7: 19 P.M. Gov. John Kasich signed the bill. The protestors in front of the Statehouse said that it revokes the rights of what Ohioans have been working for and towards for over 20 years. (Bradley, Par 6) If the Ohio Union workers are able to receive enough signatures by the November elections, the issue will appear as a referendum on the Fall 2011 election. Our job now, for all who are opposed to OH SB 5 is to sign the petition. On the article “Kasich signs Senate Bill 5” written by Thomas Bradley, there was a comment at the bottom of the web page by someone anonymous, he said “R.I.P. Ohio -- I will miss you!” Makes a person think that the OH SB 5 is a huge let down to all of the workers that have been striving for so much more in the work place(s).
Works Citied
“Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5.” WKBN.com. 2 March 2011. Web. 31 March 2011
“Ohio Senate Bill 5 passes, restricting unions.” CBS News. 2 March 2011. Web. March 10 2011.
Am. Sub. S. B. No. 5. 2011-2012. Print.
Bostick, Bruce. “Ohio Workers shake Capitol in giant SP 5 protest.” People’sworld.org. 14 March 2011. Web. 15 March 2011.
Bradley, Thomas. “Kasich signs Senate Bill 5.” The Lantern. 31 March 2011. Web. 4 April 2011.
Medoff, James. What do unions do?. New York; Basic Books, Inc., 1984.
Rozborli, Robert. “Senate Bill 5 Continues its Controversy.” Neighborhood Voice. 31 March 2011. Web. 1 April 2011.
Sandy-Phillips, Mary. “Ohio SB 5: The Anti-Collective Bargaining Bill Explained” AOL News. 2 March 2011. Web. 28 March 2011.
Sayles, Leonard R. and Strauss, George. The Local Union. Revised Edition. New York; Harcourt, Brace & World, Inc., 1967.
If the SB 5 does in fact pass into law this will dramatically affect about 350,000 firefighters, police officers, teachers, and other public employees all over the State of Ohio. (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, Restricting Unions,” Par 2) Sen. Shannon Jones is the woman who is sponsoring this bill, and is supporting this bill because she thinks that it will help Ohio save money. This it will cost the men and women of Ohio to be more in debt because the cost of living is so high now, more than it has been in the past. Danny Pride says in an article written by Rozborli that it is unfair that states that are doing away with unions should have to sacrifice bargaining rights while other large businesses get government bailouts for their own financial mistakes. Pride goes on to say that the Working Class shouldn’t carry the weight of the predicament that is going on with Wall Street. (Rozborli, Par 1 and 2) Union workers are considered to be middle class employees. It is because of unions that the middle class has the health care coverage they have, and make the money that they make. With out the union health insurance will quite literally rob us of the time that we spend with our loved ones. It robs us because we will need to work more to be able to afford the coverage as well as put food on our tables. SB 5 will extinguish the middle class leaving only the upper class, and low class workers.
Wages will be drastically cut and all in all kills the job market. How can you “stimulate” the economy when SB 5 seriously makes getting a job with a former union based company an insult to work for with out competitive pay rates? There will no longer be contracts drawn up, so no negotiations; there for strikes will no longer be. But if there is strikes SB 5 makes a threat to those who are thinking about going on strike; percentages of up to twice an employee’ daily pay for each day they are on strike, fines, suspension, automatic termination and possibility of jail time. (Am. Sub. S. B. No. 5., P 251) and (Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5, Par 12) Is it not our right as United States Americans to have freedom of speech when we feel that we are being wronged or cheated out of what we think we should be paid (or have been paid in the past for the same job), or because of the conditions we are working in? These kind of repercussions because a man or woman is voicing their opinions and standing for what they believe is right is down right wrong.
Future pay increases will solely be based on merit if SB 5 becomes law. So if Mrs. Jones works for a union company for 20 years her pay raises will not be based on how long she has been there. Her pay will solely based on how well she performs her job. If she is a teacher it will be based on how well her students test on the State Exams. In some ways that is fare but in other’s like on a city official’s pay scale how can one determine his or her “merits?” Sen. Michael Skinkell asks this same question, "So on a police officer, what is merit based pay? Is it the number of tickets they write? So if a police officer writes more tickets they get a higher wage? Is that our merit based pay?" (Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5, Par 7) The same question goes for a Firefighter and an EMT, is merit based on the number of lives they save or fires they kill? The merit based pay has too many questions to even begin to think about passing SB 5.
"To ram something through within a few weeks is irresponsible, and to blame the budget woes of the state on the workers is a downright travesty," said Columbus firefighter Terry Marsh (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, restricting unions”, Par 12). I agree with Mr. Marsh, this Bill was written and quite factually pushed through the Senate. In fact the Republicans pushed to pass it so fast and so hard that the vote was 17-16 (“Ohio Senate Bill 5 Passes, restricting unions”, Par 2). What I heard in the news that they pulled a Democrat that was going to vote against SB 5 out of the room right as they were passing out the ballots, so he did not get to vote tying the poll. Who is looking out for whom now in the work place? It is really sad when 9 year old students understand what this means for their favorite teacher. Dawn Hunley’s son, Mike and his best friend Ty joined in with the picketers in Columbus, OH on March 8th. They told the reporter, "We're here for our teacher," Mike said. "And not just for the rich," Ty added. "They want us all to grow up poor," they both said. Mike’s mom had it right when she stated that the two boys would be apart of history, because they are helping to make it. What is even sadder is the boys wanted to be there. Mike and Ty understood that SB 5 is damage to everyone. (Bostick, Par 8 and 9)
Unfortunately, in the process of writing this argument the OH SB 5 went to the House of Ohio Representatives and passed into law. On Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 7: 19 P.M. Gov. John Kasich signed the bill. The protestors in front of the Statehouse said that it revokes the rights of what Ohioans have been working for and towards for over 20 years. (Bradley, Par 6) If the Ohio Union workers are able to receive enough signatures by the November elections, the issue will appear as a referendum on the Fall 2011 election. Our job now, for all who are opposed to OH SB 5 is to sign the petition. On the article “Kasich signs Senate Bill 5” written by Thomas Bradley, there was a comment at the bottom of the web page by someone anonymous, he said “R.I.P. Ohio -- I will miss you!” Makes a person think that the OH SB 5 is a huge let down to all of the workers that have been striving for so much more in the work place(s).
Works Citied
“Breaking down Ohio Senate Bill 5.” WKBN.com. 2 March 2011. Web. 31 March 2011
“Ohio Senate Bill 5 passes, restricting unions.” CBS News. 2 March 2011. Web. March 10 2011.
Am. Sub. S. B. No. 5. 2011-2012. Print.
Bostick, Bruce. “Ohio Workers shake Capitol in giant SP 5 protest.” People’sworld.org. 14 March 2011. Web. 15 March 2011.
Bradley, Thomas. “Kasich signs Senate Bill 5.” The Lantern. 31 March 2011. Web. 4 April 2011.
Medoff, James. What do unions do?. New York; Basic Books, Inc., 1984.
Rozborli, Robert. “Senate Bill 5 Continues its Controversy.” Neighborhood Voice. 31 March 2011. Web. 1 April 2011.
Sandy-Phillips, Mary. “Ohio SB 5: The Anti-Collective Bargaining Bill Explained” AOL News. 2 March 2011. Web. 28 March 2011.
Sayles, Leonard R. and Strauss, George. The Local Union. Revised Edition. New York; Harcourt, Brace & World, Inc., 1967.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I am very Successful!!!!
Okay, so here lately I haven't been feeling 100% myself. I know that this will be a season of feeling like this for a time, because I am close the doors of past rejections in my life. Revisiting the "still open & letting bad thoughts enter" rejections. I am someone who is HIGHLY favored and really valued, because I am a child of the one TRUE king, who is my Lord and Savior- God and his son Jesus Christ.
I am a very successful, independent woman!! When I look back at when I was laid off of work in the mid-summer of '08, I felt like a total failure. When my family looked at me, I would get (and sometimes still do) these feelings of failure, not worthy of love, and total rejection.
But in thinking about all the rejection that has happened recently (in the past week) amongst family and friends I have felt like this cloud of total and utter seclusion and rejection hung over me. I really no longer feel the love from my family (not including my father and my brother Tim). Yes- that feeling of how they view my life as a complete waste of time (their's) is there any and EVERY time I speak to them.
Looking back over this past year- I know that I can say that I have been very successful at forming meaningful relationships with many different people from different walks of life. I cherish each and everyone of them as well.
I started my business in late December of 2009, and kicked it off in January of 2010- AND STILL DOING IT!!!! I love it as well!!! I'm so happy to be apart of the Premier Family and be totally valued for simply being WHO I AM!! You know it doesn't matter that a lot of my family think it is a waste of time or think that I don't do anything when I am in fact busy ALL the time with it. It doesn't matter if they want to support me in it either. I mean yeah it would be nice if they did, but seriously... it really doesn't matter.
I am back in college FULL TIME and on the DEAN'S LIST for the first time in my life ever!!! As well with working part time at an amazing fast food place; Chick-Fil-A!!!
I am VERY SUCCESSFUL!!! Now, the question looms about where I am in life and if I am happy. Yes I am very happy!!! And yes, I still have those days where I don't feel like this. Do I know my purpose for life yet? No, I do not. But I can only pray and hope that I will come into my calling that the Lord has on my life soon.
Until I do, I'm going to keep on being me. And if my family thinks that I am a failure at life, let them. But they better think again!!! Because this woman is on the climb to be a very successful woman of Christ.
If they wish to still throw all of my failures that have happened in my face or try to air dirty laundry they have no right having their noses in... I've got news for them. They have 4 fingers of their own pointing back at them. So before you or they speak THINK about what to say. In the end it will be them making a fool out of themselves, and not out of me.
I'm not perfect and I will not ever be. But you know where I am weak I know that my God is a lot stronger and he will see me through that area, chapter, season of my life.
I am a very successful, independent woman!! When I look back at when I was laid off of work in the mid-summer of '08, I felt like a total failure. When my family looked at me, I would get (and sometimes still do) these feelings of failure, not worthy of love, and total rejection.
But in thinking about all the rejection that has happened recently (in the past week) amongst family and friends I have felt like this cloud of total and utter seclusion and rejection hung over me. I really no longer feel the love from my family (not including my father and my brother Tim). Yes- that feeling of how they view my life as a complete waste of time (their's) is there any and EVERY time I speak to them.
Looking back over this past year- I know that I can say that I have been very successful at forming meaningful relationships with many different people from different walks of life. I cherish each and everyone of them as well.
I started my business in late December of 2009, and kicked it off in January of 2010- AND STILL DOING IT!!!! I love it as well!!! I'm so happy to be apart of the Premier Family and be totally valued for simply being WHO I AM!! You know it doesn't matter that a lot of my family think it is a waste of time or think that I don't do anything when I am in fact busy ALL the time with it. It doesn't matter if they want to support me in it either. I mean yeah it would be nice if they did, but seriously... it really doesn't matter.
I am back in college FULL TIME and on the DEAN'S LIST for the first time in my life ever!!! As well with working part time at an amazing fast food place; Chick-Fil-A!!!
I am VERY SUCCESSFUL!!! Now, the question looms about where I am in life and if I am happy. Yes I am very happy!!! And yes, I still have those days where I don't feel like this. Do I know my purpose for life yet? No, I do not. But I can only pray and hope that I will come into my calling that the Lord has on my life soon.
Until I do, I'm going to keep on being me. And if my family thinks that I am a failure at life, let them. But they better think again!!! Because this woman is on the climb to be a very successful woman of Christ.
If they wish to still throw all of my failures that have happened in my face or try to air dirty laundry they have no right having their noses in... I've got news for them. They have 4 fingers of their own pointing back at them. So before you or they speak THINK about what to say. In the end it will be them making a fool out of themselves, and not out of me.
I'm not perfect and I will not ever be. But you know where I am weak I know that my God is a lot stronger and he will see me through that area, chapter, season of my life.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What is a friend?
-Sweet Friendship-
Friendship is an art. We all know the satisfaction and benefits of good friendships. There is a real security in having a good friend. We also know that people who seem to be friends sometimes betray us, and disappoint us. They are not true friends in the end
While our emphasis seems to be on having friends, the truth is that in order to have friends, we first must be a friend. And so we each need to learn the art of being a friend.
Proverbs 17:17 tells us, "A friend loves at all times." This means that a friend continues to love, and to show his or her love, whatever the circumstances. A friend is one who knows you and still loves you. A true friend helps you when your need is great.
Friendship is love expressed in acceptance of another person. It is consistent. It is being the one person someone else can count on.
This was yesterday's daily devotional.
Friendship is an art. We all know the satisfaction and benefits of good friendships. There is a real security in having a good friend. We also know that people who seem to be friends sometimes betray us, and disappoint us. They are not true friends in the end
While our emphasis seems to be on having friends, the truth is that in order to have friends, we first must be a friend. And so we each need to learn the art of being a friend.
Proverbs 17:17 tells us, "A friend loves at all times." This means that a friend continues to love, and to show his or her love, whatever the circumstances. A friend is one who knows you and still loves you. A true friend helps you when your need is great.
Friendship is love expressed in acceptance of another person. It is consistent. It is being the one person someone else can count on.
This was yesterday's daily devotional.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Written Promises
I've started the illustration that is the biggest that I've ever done today!!! So super excited!!!
I've got over 25 DIFFERENT scriptures telling the many promises of God. However I could only fit 2 of the 25 on here. And the canvas is 38x44"s!! My brain over thought the space I guess. But you know what this means right? A series of paintings!!!!! Yeay me!!!! Even MORE Excited!!!!
So what 2 scriptures do I have on here? Well Joshua 1:7-9 "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." This one took most the board, lol. The 2nd one that I painted is the last one that I had picked out. I like this one A LOT!!! "For we are God's ∫masterpiece∫. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 When I read this in my study bible that my friend got me about a year ago, I got the God pimples!!! And was almost near tears!!! It's amazing!!!! Enjoy the photos that I've posted of the illustration so far.
BTW: I have a HUGE prayer request!!!!! The next part of this illustration will be a total investment... I need over $250's in oil paints, and I don't have that kind of money right now. If this is God's true will these materials will be supplied- my faith in Christ knows that, and I know that. I've seen so much from Him already. Just pray that the supplies will come soon!! K- thanks!!!
I've got over 25 DIFFERENT scriptures telling the many promises of God. However I could only fit 2 of the 25 on here. And the canvas is 38x44"s!! My brain over thought the space I guess. But you know what this means right? A series of paintings!!!!! Yeay me!!!! Even MORE Excited!!!!
So what 2 scriptures do I have on here? Well Joshua 1:7-9 "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." This one took most the board, lol. The 2nd one that I painted is the last one that I had picked out. I like this one A LOT!!! "For we are God's ∫masterpiece∫. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 When I read this in my study bible that my friend got me about a year ago, I got the God pimples!!! And was almost near tears!!! It's amazing!!!! Enjoy the photos that I've posted of the illustration so far.
BTW: I have a HUGE prayer request!!!!! The next part of this illustration will be a total investment... I need over $250's in oil paints, and I don't have that kind of money right now. If this is God's true will these materials will be supplied- my faith in Christ knows that, and I know that. I've seen so much from Him already. Just pray that the supplies will come soon!! K- thanks!!!
Watching Paint Dry
Waiting for paint to dry on my canvas so I thought I’d blog a bit about what I have been going through here lately. I have been troubled for the past few weeks… okay that is a lie… more like months about numerous things that I tend to squash in my heart and try to pay no attention too. But I cannot do this any longer. Because the “squashed” feelings, emotions, thoughts, and call it what you want are surfacing. I know that they are surfacing because a good friend, Becky Maglich, and I are starting a prayer journey about different things that have been allowed into my life through various different events that I have survived through, been through in my subconscious, and have had to deal with on a “real world” level.
So Becky and I are revisiting these major things and one by one we are casting them out so that they no longer reside in my life, but more importantly hinder my walk with Christ. I have noticed the feeling of rejection a lot in the past days. And that little voice in my mind reminding me that I am not valued, wanted, loved, and even appreciated. It is a daily voice that seems to be a companion of mine (but is so not wanted). The more unimportant the thing that I feel being left out of… the LOUDER this voice is.
Even in relationships (i.e.: with friends, a guy, even among family members) I feel like I am a burden to everyone with wanting to feel needed in our relationship. Simple things… Why did they not ask me to help out, why does it fee like he/she is avoiding me, or even why was I not invited? It has even gotten as far as me counting the days since I last sang with our worship team at church. A strong feeling of betrayal lingers in my mind, but why? Even more so “forgotten” seems to haunt my every thought. I find myself sitting by myself a lot now wishing, hoping, and praying that someone, anyone would read my thoughts, even see past the whiteness in my eyes and see the hurt that is there.
But here lately I am beginning to think that wishes do not come true in this case? It is my prayer that after this journey of closing doors that Becky is helping me through that these voices will cease to be in my thoughts and in my head. I know that they have no place in my life or within me.
But for now words affirmation are really encouraged and wanted. But really do not feel forced to give any if you do not have real words of wisdom and love. I do not know how long this spiritual journey is going to take me, and I can imagine that there will be a lot of tears on the path from me. But what is my comfort is that the Lord promises that he will NEVER leave me or even forsake me. The Lord is my joy, my refuge, and my total strength during this time. He has a promise for me on the other side of the mountain that I plan to take in full of when I reach it!!
I know my life will be better going through this, but for now I feel very stirred.
So Becky and I are revisiting these major things and one by one we are casting them out so that they no longer reside in my life, but more importantly hinder my walk with Christ. I have noticed the feeling of rejection a lot in the past days. And that little voice in my mind reminding me that I am not valued, wanted, loved, and even appreciated. It is a daily voice that seems to be a companion of mine (but is so not wanted). The more unimportant the thing that I feel being left out of… the LOUDER this voice is.
Even in relationships (i.e.: with friends, a guy, even among family members) I feel like I am a burden to everyone with wanting to feel needed in our relationship. Simple things… Why did they not ask me to help out, why does it fee like he/she is avoiding me, or even why was I not invited? It has even gotten as far as me counting the days since I last sang with our worship team at church. A strong feeling of betrayal lingers in my mind, but why? Even more so “forgotten” seems to haunt my every thought. I find myself sitting by myself a lot now wishing, hoping, and praying that someone, anyone would read my thoughts, even see past the whiteness in my eyes and see the hurt that is there.
But here lately I am beginning to think that wishes do not come true in this case? It is my prayer that after this journey of closing doors that Becky is helping me through that these voices will cease to be in my thoughts and in my head. I know that they have no place in my life or within me.
But for now words affirmation are really encouraged and wanted. But really do not feel forced to give any if you do not have real words of wisdom and love. I do not know how long this spiritual journey is going to take me, and I can imagine that there will be a lot of tears on the path from me. But what is my comfort is that the Lord promises that he will NEVER leave me or even forsake me. The Lord is my joy, my refuge, and my total strength during this time. He has a promise for me on the other side of the mountain that I plan to take in full of when I reach it!!
I know my life will be better going through this, but for now I feel very stirred.
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