Okay, so here lately I haven't been feeling 100% myself. I know that this will be a season of feeling like this for a time, because I am close the doors of past rejections in my life. Revisiting the "still open & letting bad thoughts enter" rejections. I am someone who is HIGHLY favored and really valued, because I am a child of the one TRUE king, who is my Lord and Savior- God and his son Jesus Christ.
I am a very successful, independent woman!! When I look back at when I was laid off of work in the mid-summer of '08, I felt like a total failure. When my family looked at me, I would get (and sometimes still do) these feelings of failure, not worthy of love, and total rejection.
But in thinking about all the rejection that has happened recently (in the past week) amongst family and friends I have felt like this cloud of total and utter seclusion and rejection hung over me. I really no longer feel the love from my family (not including my father and my brother Tim). Yes- that feeling of how they view my life as a complete waste of time (their's) is there any and EVERY time I speak to them.
Looking back over this past year- I know that I can say that I have been very successful at forming meaningful relationships with many different people from different walks of life. I cherish each and everyone of them as well.
I started my business in late December of 2009, and kicked it off in January of 2010- AND STILL DOING IT!!!! I love it as well!!! I'm so happy to be apart of the Premier Family and be totally valued for simply being WHO I AM!! You know it doesn't matter that a lot of my family think it is a waste of time or think that I don't do anything when I am in fact busy ALL the time with it. It doesn't matter if they want to support me in it either. I mean yeah it would be nice if they did, but seriously... it really doesn't matter.
I am back in college FULL TIME and on the DEAN'S LIST for the first time in my life ever!!! As well with working part time at an amazing fast food place; Chick-Fil-A!!!
I am VERY SUCCESSFUL!!! Now, the question looms about where I am in life and if I am happy. Yes I am very happy!!! And yes, I still have those days where I don't feel like this. Do I know my purpose for life yet? No, I do not. But I can only pray and hope that I will come into my calling that the Lord has on my life soon.
Until I do, I'm going to keep on being me. And if my family thinks that I am a failure at life, let them. But they better think again!!! Because this woman is on the climb to be a very successful woman of Christ.
If they wish to still throw all of my failures that have happened in my face or try to air dirty laundry they have no right having their noses in... I've got news for them. They have 4 fingers of their own pointing back at them. So before you or they speak THINK about what to say. In the end it will be them making a fool out of themselves, and not out of me.
I'm not perfect and I will not ever be. But you know where I am weak I know that my God is a lot stronger and he will see me through that area, chapter, season of my life.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What is a friend?
-Sweet Friendship-
Friendship is an art. We all know the satisfaction and benefits of good friendships. There is a real security in having a good friend. We also know that people who seem to be friends sometimes betray us, and disappoint us. They are not true friends in the end
While our emphasis seems to be on having friends, the truth is that in order to have friends, we first must be a friend. And so we each need to learn the art of being a friend.
Proverbs 17:17 tells us, "A friend loves at all times." This means that a friend continues to love, and to show his or her love, whatever the circumstances. A friend is one who knows you and still loves you. A true friend helps you when your need is great.
Friendship is love expressed in acceptance of another person. It is consistent. It is being the one person someone else can count on.
This was yesterday's daily devotional.
Friendship is an art. We all know the satisfaction and benefits of good friendships. There is a real security in having a good friend. We also know that people who seem to be friends sometimes betray us, and disappoint us. They are not true friends in the end
While our emphasis seems to be on having friends, the truth is that in order to have friends, we first must be a friend. And so we each need to learn the art of being a friend.
Proverbs 17:17 tells us, "A friend loves at all times." This means that a friend continues to love, and to show his or her love, whatever the circumstances. A friend is one who knows you and still loves you. A true friend helps you when your need is great.
Friendship is love expressed in acceptance of another person. It is consistent. It is being the one person someone else can count on.
This was yesterday's daily devotional.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Written Promises
I've started the illustration that is the biggest that I've ever done today!!! So super excited!!!
I've got over 25 DIFFERENT scriptures telling the many promises of God. However I could only fit 2 of the 25 on here. And the canvas is 38x44"s!! My brain over thought the space I guess. But you know what this means right? A series of paintings!!!!! Yeay me!!!! Even MORE Excited!!!!
So what 2 scriptures do I have on here? Well Joshua 1:7-9 "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." This one took most the board, lol. The 2nd one that I painted is the last one that I had picked out. I like this one A LOT!!! "For we are God's ∫masterpiece∫. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 When I read this in my study bible that my friend got me about a year ago, I got the God pimples!!! And was almost near tears!!! It's amazing!!!! Enjoy the photos that I've posted of the illustration so far.
BTW: I have a HUGE prayer request!!!!! The next part of this illustration will be a total investment... I need over $250's in oil paints, and I don't have that kind of money right now. If this is God's true will these materials will be supplied- my faith in Christ knows that, and I know that. I've seen so much from Him already. Just pray that the supplies will come soon!! K- thanks!!!
I've got over 25 DIFFERENT scriptures telling the many promises of God. However I could only fit 2 of the 25 on here. And the canvas is 38x44"s!! My brain over thought the space I guess. But you know what this means right? A series of paintings!!!!! Yeay me!!!! Even MORE Excited!!!!
So what 2 scriptures do I have on here? Well Joshua 1:7-9 "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." This one took most the board, lol. The 2nd one that I painted is the last one that I had picked out. I like this one A LOT!!! "For we are God's ∫masterpiece∫. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 When I read this in my study bible that my friend got me about a year ago, I got the God pimples!!! And was almost near tears!!! It's amazing!!!! Enjoy the photos that I've posted of the illustration so far.
BTW: I have a HUGE prayer request!!!!! The next part of this illustration will be a total investment... I need over $250's in oil paints, and I don't have that kind of money right now. If this is God's true will these materials will be supplied- my faith in Christ knows that, and I know that. I've seen so much from Him already. Just pray that the supplies will come soon!! K- thanks!!!
Watching Paint Dry
Waiting for paint to dry on my canvas so I thought I’d blog a bit about what I have been going through here lately. I have been troubled for the past few weeks… okay that is a lie… more like months about numerous things that I tend to squash in my heart and try to pay no attention too. But I cannot do this any longer. Because the “squashed” feelings, emotions, thoughts, and call it what you want are surfacing. I know that they are surfacing because a good friend, Becky Maglich, and I are starting a prayer journey about different things that have been allowed into my life through various different events that I have survived through, been through in my subconscious, and have had to deal with on a “real world” level.
So Becky and I are revisiting these major things and one by one we are casting them out so that they no longer reside in my life, but more importantly hinder my walk with Christ. I have noticed the feeling of rejection a lot in the past days. And that little voice in my mind reminding me that I am not valued, wanted, loved, and even appreciated. It is a daily voice that seems to be a companion of mine (but is so not wanted). The more unimportant the thing that I feel being left out of… the LOUDER this voice is.
Even in relationships (i.e.: with friends, a guy, even among family members) I feel like I am a burden to everyone with wanting to feel needed in our relationship. Simple things… Why did they not ask me to help out, why does it fee like he/she is avoiding me, or even why was I not invited? It has even gotten as far as me counting the days since I last sang with our worship team at church. A strong feeling of betrayal lingers in my mind, but why? Even more so “forgotten” seems to haunt my every thought. I find myself sitting by myself a lot now wishing, hoping, and praying that someone, anyone would read my thoughts, even see past the whiteness in my eyes and see the hurt that is there.
But here lately I am beginning to think that wishes do not come true in this case? It is my prayer that after this journey of closing doors that Becky is helping me through that these voices will cease to be in my thoughts and in my head. I know that they have no place in my life or within me.
But for now words affirmation are really encouraged and wanted. But really do not feel forced to give any if you do not have real words of wisdom and love. I do not know how long this spiritual journey is going to take me, and I can imagine that there will be a lot of tears on the path from me. But what is my comfort is that the Lord promises that he will NEVER leave me or even forsake me. The Lord is my joy, my refuge, and my total strength during this time. He has a promise for me on the other side of the mountain that I plan to take in full of when I reach it!!
I know my life will be better going through this, but for now I feel very stirred.
So Becky and I are revisiting these major things and one by one we are casting them out so that they no longer reside in my life, but more importantly hinder my walk with Christ. I have noticed the feeling of rejection a lot in the past days. And that little voice in my mind reminding me that I am not valued, wanted, loved, and even appreciated. It is a daily voice that seems to be a companion of mine (but is so not wanted). The more unimportant the thing that I feel being left out of… the LOUDER this voice is.
Even in relationships (i.e.: with friends, a guy, even among family members) I feel like I am a burden to everyone with wanting to feel needed in our relationship. Simple things… Why did they not ask me to help out, why does it fee like he/she is avoiding me, or even why was I not invited? It has even gotten as far as me counting the days since I last sang with our worship team at church. A strong feeling of betrayal lingers in my mind, but why? Even more so “forgotten” seems to haunt my every thought. I find myself sitting by myself a lot now wishing, hoping, and praying that someone, anyone would read my thoughts, even see past the whiteness in my eyes and see the hurt that is there.
But here lately I am beginning to think that wishes do not come true in this case? It is my prayer that after this journey of closing doors that Becky is helping me through that these voices will cease to be in my thoughts and in my head. I know that they have no place in my life or within me.
But for now words affirmation are really encouraged and wanted. But really do not feel forced to give any if you do not have real words of wisdom and love. I do not know how long this spiritual journey is going to take me, and I can imagine that there will be a lot of tears on the path from me. But what is my comfort is that the Lord promises that he will NEVER leave me or even forsake me. The Lord is my joy, my refuge, and my total strength during this time. He has a promise for me on the other side of the mountain that I plan to take in full of when I reach it!!
I know my life will be better going through this, but for now I feel very stirred.
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